The Key To Having More Sex

Within this blog I will give you advice backed up by evidence and facts that will show you the key to having more sex. 

It's been about a week since Kanye West came to twitter and sent out a series of tweets involving a new genius idea he had called "Jesus Tok." 

Me, being the comedic genius that I am, uploaded this video basically showing off what kind of content I will be releasing when "Jesus Tok" finally hits the App Store.

Before you jump to conclusions and say "this isn't funny" or "I don't get this hire" like you have in past with videos that I've posted on the website…let me enlighten you. 

Now, because this blog is titled "The Key To Having More Sex" I'm going to assume you clicked on this blog because you aren't having sex as much as you would like to be. There's no shame in that, and I'm here to help you. 

When you think of someone who has a lot of sex, who do you think of? Me? Your parents? Maybe even that one friend of yours with the big muscles? All good choices, but not quite what I'm thinking of. 

I'm thinking of Mia Malkova, one of the most famous porn stars of all time. Porn stars are literally professional sex havers, it's their job and they are payed to do it. They fuck, a lot. Definitely more than you and maybe more than me. Maybe.

Now, who else is someone who probably has a lot of sex? Me, again? KB and Nick from ANUS? That one rookie on the Sea Hawks who was cut for sneaking a girl into the hotel and violating Covid restrictions? Once again, all good guesses (aside for KB and Nick) but not quite what I'm thinking of.

I'm thinking of Cardi B. I mean she literally just came out with a song all about fucking titled "WAP" where she goes super into detail saying things like "I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp. I wanna gag, I wanna choke. I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat." 

Me, once again being the comedic genius that I am, did a little review for this song that you can watch below:

Before you go and criticize this video and say "Bad. Just bad." or "swing and a miss." Bare with me and allow me to explain further. 

With the information I've gathered I've put together a graph that will show you who has the most sex:

What you might instantly notice from this graph is that Cardi B and Mia Malkova are tied for the top sex havers putting them in the "Mayor of FUCK town" category, followed by me in second place who is sitting comfortably just above the "Savage mode" category. 

What you might be thinking now is "How are they so high above me? What separates them from the rest?" Well, luckily I'm here to explain.

You see, Cardi B and Mia Malkova have one thing in common. It's not that they are both wildly famous celebrities and it's not that they are both pretty attractive women. Believe it or not, it's that they are both huge Lil Sasquatch fans. 

Evidence: 

This theory only allows me to come to one conclusion: People who like Lil Sasquatch's content have significantly more sex than those who don't.

It's as simple as that. Those are just the facts.

I hope this helps you guys on your journey and hopefully you can up your numbers and one day become a Mayor of FUCK town just like Cardi B and Mia Malkova. Cheers.