Florida Is Going To Release 750 MILLION Genetically Engineered Mosquitos In An Effort To Decimate The Mosquito Population. Wait, What?!?

Giphy Images.

Fast Company- In the Florida Keys, the local mosquito control agency has just approved the release of 750 million genetically engineered mosquitoes. The test, which is likely to begin in 2021, will be the first time that mosquitoes—designed to be “self-limiting,” meaning that they’ll breed offspring that can’t survive—will be used in the United States.

Oxitec, the U.K.-based company that engineered the mosquitoes, plans to place boxes filled with mosquito eggs in the area, releasing male mosquitoes bred with the self-limiting gene. When they breed with female mosquitoes, female offspring won’t survive. Because only female mosquitoes bite humans, this can help stop the spread of disease. The species they’re targeting is the Aedes aegypti or “yellow fever” mosquito, an invasive species that transmits diseases such as dengue, chikungunya, and Zika.

“With repeated releases over a number of weeks, the population of females gradually reduces,” says Kevin Gorman, Oxitec’s head of global field operations. “And we end up with vector control. It’s taking away that vector that is intended to reduce the incidence of disease."

In previous tests in other countries including Brazil, the company says that the process has worked to dramatically shrink populations. “We’ve had multiyear programs giving over 80% control in every single year,” he says. 

Save me your fancy scientist speak, genetic mumbo jumbo, or examples where this strategy worked in other countries. There is no problem in the history of the world where throwing three-quarter of a BILLION mosquitos into Florida works out well for Florida, America, or the planet unless that problem is happiness. 

It doesn't matter if these mosquitos are dickless, eggless, or both because as a wise man once said:

Giphy Images.

These nerds can show me their graphs and numbers all day long while I itch my body at the mere thought of this suicide mission. But unless those programs were done in the state of chaos known as the Sunshine State, they are irrelevant since nothing ever goes smoothly in America's herpes ridden dick. Even if those mosquitos can't figure out a way to mutate their little mosquito reproductive systems, there is so much worse that can happen simply based on Florida's history. Like what if one of those 750 million mosquitos somehow figures out a way to mate with an alligator? That's right I'm talking mosquitogators. I'm not sure if they would be alligator-sized mosquitos that could fly or mosquito-sized flies that could take a chunk out of you. But imagine the pain of an alligator bite along with your fresh wound itching for days. 

Giphy Images.

You thought life in Florida was crazy before? Try throwing a bunch of mosquitogators into that swamp of Florida Men, Florida Women, alligators, crocs, and oh yeah like a billion freshly hatched genetically engineered mosquitos. Fuuuuuuuuck thaaaaaaat. We've already punted on 2020 being the worst year of our lifetimes. I'm not letting these geeks ruin 2021 before it even begins. Smell ya later, Florida!

Giphy Images.