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Boston is Losing its Least Beloved Destination

Source - A replica of a bar that was the focal point of a beloved sitcom is shutting down for good.

According to a source, Cheers at Faneuil Hall Marketplace is closing permanently after 20 years in business, with a press release indicating that the last day for the bar will be August 30. The release mentions that the COVID-19 pandemic played into the decision, while the lack of help from the landlord made the "current challenge insurmountable," according to owner Tom Kershaw.

The Faneuil Hall location of Cheers is a recreation of the bar shown on the set of Cheers, a TV show that ran from 1982 to 1993.

My deepest sympathies go out to the staff and management at Cheers. I mean that with the utmost sympathy. Next to the people who are sick or lost loved ones in all this, there's nobody I feel for as much as the people who have lost their jobs, whether they're full or part time. I'd never make light of that. 

But to Cheers itself, good riddance. I hope it gets replaced right away by a Cheesecake Factory or a Chili's or Tchotchke's or a Shennanigan's where they have all that goofy shit on the walls and the mozzarella sticks, and they hire back all the previous staff with pay raises. But the restaurant that was Cheers will be mourned by no one. At least not by Massholes. 

My theory is that not one person who has ever owned a Massachusetts driver's license ever spent a dime in Cheers. To be clear, I'm talking about the one that's closing. The one in Faneuil Hall. The trap from which no tourist has yet returned. Not the Bull & Finch over on Beacon St. that was used as the exterior of the show "Cheers." I imagine they have some locals, I wouldn't know. I was upstairs there for a wedding one time and it seemed to me to be a t-shirt store with a liquor license. But I don't begrudge how an establish does honest business. But the one in Faneuil Hall can go straight to Gimmick Restaurant Hell along with Planet Hollywood, ESPN Zone and the Rainforest Cafe that used to bleed me dry with their Chicken Fingers plates that cost double what other places charged because my kids were entertained by the fiberglass elephants and gorillas. Good riddance to them all.

I was actually at this Cheers once for four hours, broadcasting my old WEEI show from there as a promotional gig. For all I know, it was fine. Maybe the chicken wings tasted like they came off a Pegasus and the burgers were made from unicorn and the Margaritas were like drinking dew off an angel's nipples. I really don't recall. What I do remember was summer tourists by the dozens trying to relive the experience of a sitcom that went off the air a quarter of a century prior by crushing Bud Lights next to cardboard cutouts of Cliff Clavin and Carla Tortelli. It was just bizarre. 

Don't get me wrong; "Cheers" was a great show. It had a tremendous run, if you're old enough to remember it or you watch it now because it holds up well. But it was a long time ago. I mean, do you know what else was big when "Cheers was at its peak? "ALF." "Who's the Boss?" "Empty Nest." I don't see theme restaurants opening up to fill the nostalgia void those megahits left behind. Is there a Central Perk somewhere in Manhattan so tourists can relive the Ross & Rachel romance? Does Seattle have a coffee shop  like Fraiser and Niles went to? Is there a Moe's Cafe in any Springfield in America? Because that I might go to. 

But never this Cheers ripoff. Not even if Shelley Long would teleport in from 1985 and give me hand stuff under the pants. It was the place where nobody knew your name because you were in town for a week checking out colleges for your kids, taking in a Red Sox game and generally getting ripped off. Sorry for the staff, but not sorry for the bar.