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Introducing Future President of the United States Tate Gooch

Tate Gooch.

I don't even really know what I can add to that. It's Tate Gooch.

Gooch is the SGA president at the University of North Alabama now, but mark my words: he will be President of the United States at some point in the future. When your name is Tate Gooch, you need to just keep running for things. He'll be Lieutenant Governor of Alabama in no time.

I genuinely don't understand how 18- to 22-year-olds are supposed to listen to the advice of Tate Gooch without immediately responding, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear a word you said. Your name is what now?"

I would very much like to speak to the parents who were already saddled with the surname of Gooch — one of whom lived with the name for a quarter-century or so — and decided that a good first name would be something which also sounded reminiscent of the area between one's genitals and ass. Thomas or Andrew wouldn't have done the trick?

Anyway, familiarize yourself with Tate Gooch because this kid is just going to keep running for office and if he ever makes it to the big stage, he has my vote. Gooch 2040.