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"Please Stop Shitting In Our Lake," Too Many People Are Shitting In And Around This Lake In Maine.

There isn't anything worse than having to take a dump when you're at the local beach. Everyone has been there. Only some sort of sociopathic liar would say otherwise. Often times the only resort is a portapotty that's been sitting directly in the sun. Zero fun to be had. No one wants to do it. But sacrifices must be made. Even if that sacrifice is accidentally sitting in a two-week-old piece of five gum that blended in with the lid because it had been there rotting for a week on end with no maintenance. 

That's the best-case scenario, too. Other than that you're left stranded. Nothing but you, sand, and water. A human litterbox, if you will. Thankfully, I've never found myself in such a situation but one could imagine that it's not easy. Squat pooping is not ideal in any circumstance, quite frankly. 

Bottom line is that no one wants to shit in the lake; it's more of a necessary evil.

Giphy Images.


The boaters and swimmers flocking to Long Lake in southwestern Maine for safe outdoor recreation during the pandemic are boosting local businesses, but some people are leaving behind something unwanted.

Multiple complaints about human poop on shorelines and on private property…

Multiple complaints of poop? As in more than one person? Oh boy. That's far too much fecal matter. One person, sure. Shit happens. But when it spans to multiple cases of several people in close proximity of time, it's gone too far. Stepping in someone else's shit on the beach must be a very uncomfortable thing that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. 

As for actually going number two in the water; you have to be a real sick fuck. That's definitely worse than plopping one down on the sand. Pooping in the lake is like taking a shit in the bathtub. An unwelcoming thought for sure.

This all leads you to believe this is a beach without a portapotty. Tragic. It's that or this town is littered with psychotic people who are willing to shit anywhere and everywhere. No boundaries whatsoever, absolute chaos. But if you have no portapotties, you open yourself up to such a thing. 

prompted the head of the Lakes Environmental Association to write to the Bridgton selectboard in late July, asking it to install portable toilets near a popular boat launch.

Of course, they didn't have a fucking portapotty. Honestly, in that case, more power to the poopers. Get those portapotties. Force the issue. Not that a poop rebellion is a place I'd want to plant my flag, you gotta stand for something. Who knows, maybe this is the only chance these people can stand for something, you know. This is their revolution. Unlikely, but a boy can dream.

Having to write into a select board (no idea what that is, sounds…important) in order to get a plastic toilet feels a bit excessive. What happened to the days where a guy could just bring a portable toilet to the beach? And who gets to decide why they can or cannot have Again, it goes back to the necessary evil idea of it all. No one wants to do it, but if they're left with no other option… it's the only way. 

Hopefully, the addition of the portable toilets solves this issue. Should it not solve the issue and the poop persists; they need to start a manhunt for whoever is taking all these shits. That'd be the biggest pre-crime indicator of all time. Hell, it's probably a whole crime in and of itself but that's some really evil stuff.