Anthony Rizzo's Chains Deserve Their Own Spot On The Cubs 40-Man Roster

If you blinked you might have missed it:

Absolutely preposterous chain situation and honestly I couldn't love it any more. Maybe it's because he's hitting .213 and needed a spark or maybe he lost a bet to Javy Baez or maybe he just wants to throw some fresh ice on the chest to let the boys know who's in charge. Whatever the reason, the man looks fucking fantastic and I'm here to celebrate it. 

But Carl what about his weighted on base in interleague play north of the mason dixon?

Seriously though go kick some rocks if you can't find the objective natural beauty behind Anthony Rizzo's floppy gold chains. Cubs have never lost when he's worn them so that's nice too. But that's basically expected when you got Theo upstairs playing the numbers. 

That said I need two large gold chains pronto and I'm not looking to get fleeced. DM me if you know a guy