President Trump is Gonna Make You Dripping Fucking Wet

When I grew up, I was always insanely jealous of kids like the fellas in Blank Check, the First Kid, or Richie Rich. You grow up in the lap of luxury and have a curly-haired fuck designing inventions for the secret service or your dad who is rich, powerful, and frankly kinda aloof and you, by default, learn to expect the finer things in life.

Stay with me... what happens when that rich kid suddenly is thrown into a life of public service and has to leave his 5th Avenue penthouse for shitty government housing in a high-traffic area in dirty dc? YUCK! Well, changes get made. You bet your ass they do and that’s exactly what is happening here. 

FINALLY the outdated and frankly offensive terminology of shower head will be tossed in the trash like decades of research and funding that supported the F-35 fighter jet program. Showerheads and the F-35. WORTHLESS!

Tired of having water just trickle down your back like a stream of urine in some sleazy Russian motel that smells like Siberia and ptichye moloko which is a decadent Russian cake famous for its reversed cake-to-filling ratio: the thick, but exceptionally light, almost soufflé-like layers of silky custard are separated by thin, fluffy, and moist layers of sponge cake, while the whole confection is topped with a rich frosting that is subtly sweet but not overwhelming? Aren’t we all?

The days of having water pressure that couldn’t make a goose say boo are over. With an executive order, showerheads will have their liberal governors removed (Michigan should take note) and the 200cc faucet engines of Bosch, Delta, Kohler, Grohe, and Moen products won’t be subjected to pussy-ass shower pressure regulations. It’s a free market. When it comes to water pressure, send it.

That being said, this announcement puts pressure on our backs via the dark industry that is the shower head industry and even more pressure on Joe Biden because, lest we forget, Biden could win in November and his name is just one letter change away from bidet. If anyone can’t afford weak water pressure, it’s Sleepy Joe Bidet. Looks like the classic counter puncher in Trump is throwing his lead hook while simultaneously  tossing his towel on the rack of common sense and necessity. Incredible.

Ps. I absolutely didn’t read the sourced article. No idea what it’s about. WAP