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#BreakingNews: Peanuts Grow In The Ground!

There I was minding my own fucking business whilst thumbing through Instagram whilst in my stock tank pool and I stumble across a horticultural phenomenon the likes of which have never been seen.

I’ve been eating peanut butter since I was a child. I don’t say that as a brag. I say it as a 38-year old man who has had a belly full of jif from time to time. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought this is how peanut butter is harvested.

Can you imagine being the first dick head to roast them shits? Someone came across a wild peanut and boiled it with salt. Someone pressed it to get oil. That’s fucking nuts, btw. No pun intended tbh. There’s so much oil in peanuts!

shoutout to longtime toolie and peanut guy Jimmy Carter.

Anyway, peanuts are insane and kinda beautiful. Sorta makes you wonder what you can eat that just grows in your yard, right? Can’t just be me with a green thumb of knowledge. You could literally plant a tomato plant today and through the magic of Jesus Christ teaching plants how to eat the sun, you could be eating fresh bruschetta by the end of October. Incredible.