I mean come on! Look at that thing! He shouldn't be allowed to do that. It's too hot, too sexy, making me all horny and shit? On a Sunday afternoon? On the LORD'S Day, Tom? How dare you.
I should be happy to be with my new man, Cam. He's cool, he says the right things, he wears cool hats, he's everything I want in a guy. But then I check social media and see my ex has totally reinvented himself and is just getting hotter? It's not cool. It's uncool. Much like a visor and a face protector on a Tampa afternoon.