Last summer I got the privilege of Interning on the Ellen DeGeneres talk show. I got the job through a friend from school, his father knew a guy who knew a guy who knew the producer of the Show. During my time working on the show I took some notes. Here they are.
First day on the show. Super excited. I've been shadowing some of the other employees for the most part. They had me go out and get coffee for them. I messed up one of the orders which sucked. I haven't talked to Ellen yet. Feeling a little underwhelmed but still excited for what lies ahead.
Apparently Ellens friend committed suicide last night so things were pretty weird in the office today. Ellen didn't come in. Feeling a little shaken up. Trying to stay positive.
When I pulled into the office today I saw Ellen making out with a man in the parking lot. This was my first time meeting her. I told her I wouldn't tell anyone what I saw and she told me I could take the day off.
Tough start to the day this morning. My cars brakes gave out while pulling out of my driveway and I slammed into my neighbors mailbox. Weird because it's a brand new car. Just glad nobody got hurt. Couldn't go into the office today because I had to get my car fixed.
Ellen seemed very surprised to see me today.
I talked to Ellen today for the second time. She brought me a coffee. That's all for today.
Day 6 post work update:
Violently sick. It's coming out of all ends.
Had to go to the hospital last night. My girlfriend found me on the bathroom floor passed out in a pool of vomit and shit. The doctor said I had enough botulinum toxin (poison) in my system to kill a large horse. It was a miracle I survived. I have no idea how it got into my system. I wanted to go into work later that day but the doctor insisted I take the day off.
Ellen seemed extremely surprised to see me today. I think she's really starting to like me.
Today I got my car fixed and I decided to drive into work. When I was pulling into the parking lot Ellen was backing out and t-boned me. Just a brutal crash. I had to go to the hopsital but luckily Ellen was okay. That's all that matters to me.
Day 9 update:
Ellen came to visit me at the hospital today after the accident. She apologized and I told her it was okay and that mistakes happen. Suddenly she grabbed my neck and squeezed tight until I passed out. The last thing I remember was a whisper into my ear saying "A storm of pain awaits! You will suffer!"
I have decided to step down from my position as an intern on the Ellen Degeneres show. I will not be commenting on this any further.