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Many Folks Are Now Wondering If Jeff Petry Is The Most Clutch Player In Hockey History

Mark Blinch. Getty Images.

Jeff. Fuggin. Petry, dude. This man is a certified killer. An absolute assassin. A total fucking stallion. And he's not just here to win hockey games. He's here to rip your heart out of your chest and chew on it like a stick of bubble gum in the process. He had the overtime game winner in game 1 of the playoff qualifier series against Pittsburgh. And then last night he rifled off one of the spiciest snipes you'll see all playoffs to give the Habs the win and a 2-1 lead in the series. 

Jeff Petry. American Sniper. 

That man hadn't a single angle to tuck that puck away in the top bunk of the net. So what does he go out there and do? Just adds a little insult to injury on Matt Murray here and banks that puck right off of his stupid face and into the back of the net. As if he just wanted to make sure that Matt Murray saw that snipe. He didn't want to leave him sitting there trying to figure out what the heck just happened and how that puck ended up in the back of the net. Jeff Petry never leaves a single doubt. 

8 ball, corner pocket. 

So that's now two game-winners in 3 games so far in the playoff qualifiers. Clearly Jeff Petry is the most clutch bubble hockey player of all time. Out of the history of the game, he now has more playoff qualifier game winners than any other player ever. Wayne Gretzky never even scored a single playoff qualifier game winner before in his career. 

But what if it goes further than that? What if Jeff Petry isn't just the most clutch bubble hockey player in NHL history, but the most clutch in general? Because like I said, this man is an assassin. Or at the very least, 1 out of every 5 times he is. 

Big time players make big time shots in big time moments. Jeff Petry's middle name is Big Time. Go ahead and check his birth certificate. It's right on there. Dude was born at 6lbs 9oz at 4:20pm, and came out of the womb sniping game winners. 

Now he might only have 69 goals on his career. But still. 1 out of every 5 of them has been a Captain Clutch moment for the Petry Dish. There's Big Dick Energy, and Jeff Petry is walking around that blueline with a howitzer. 

Sidenote: Holy shit just realized Jaromir Jagr had 135 career game winners. That sick bastard. 135 career GWG on 766 career goals. Why don't we talk about that more?

Sidenote #2: Malkin needs to be suspended for short shaming here. It's 2020. Can't be having this in the league.