Live EventLive from the #BarstoolSportsbook house presented by @hooters for some MNFWatch Now
The Barstool Sportsbook is LiveDownload and Play in PA Now

Nude Massachusetts Couple Walking Their Dog Get In A Fight With Police

Newscenter Maine -  HOPKINTON, Mass. — An early morning nude walk on Monday eventually led to a fight with cops and a Hopkinton couple facing several charges, according to authorities in Massachusetts.

Police say they responded to calls about a naked couple walking their dog on Hayden Rowe Street. There, officers found Mariel Kinney, 32, and Kevin Pinto, 30, who were completely nude, walking down the street with a medium-sized black dog named Lucy.

“It was kind of wild,” said Police Chief Joseph Bennett. “It wasn’t the typical day in Hopkinton, that’s for sure. They were buck naked.”

When questioned if they were alright and why they were unclothed, Kinney and Pinto either said they didn’t want to answer or answered incoherently, according to Bennett.

During questioning, the couple yelled and swore at the officers, resisting any efforts of “de-escalation,” said the chief.

“There was a short foot pursuit,” said Bennett. “Both [people] ran when they were told they were going to be arrested.”

Police arrested Kinney and Pinto around 6:30 a.m.

Police caught up to the pair who struggled violently. Pinto struck officers several times with the heel of his palm, while Kinney also struck officers. One officer was taken to a local hospital to be treated for minor injuries. He has since been released and is at home recovering.

“I’m grateful no one was seriously injured in a very volatile situation,” Bennett said.

Police arrested Kinney and Pinto and charged them with indecent exposure, assault and battery on a police officer, disturbing the peace, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest.

They were scheduled to be arraigned in Framingham District Court on Monday, but the arraignment results were not available.

The chief also added about Lucy, the dog that had been with the couple, “According to the officers, she is a very good dog.”

People are fuckin losing it man. All this time stuck at home, interacting through screens with the same fuckin people every day. No stimulation or exposure to anything new. It's too much.

Humans aren't meant to be pent up at home separated from others this long. (sidebar - If you don't believe me, read Tribe by Sebastian Junger. Great fuckin book) 

Just look at Mariel and Kevin here. 

Here's my theory - 

One day last week Kevin tapped Mariel on her shoulder 10 minutes before their alarm clock went off at 6:24 am. That extra 4 minutes compounded over a week translates to almost an extra half hour of sleep. Usually Mariel just groans for Kevin to leave her alone or pretends to stay asleep. But that day she was feeling frisky. Or as the younger kids at the office were saying, "horn". Kevin's daily morning wood would finally be put to good use. 

Since Kevin pounded Mariel out in the  "saucy spoons" position -

For reference

he no longer needed to go rub one out in the shower, like he did every morning before Mariel came in the bathroom to take a dump while awkwardly holding a conversation with him. She usually stank the place up too. Gross. 

So their entire morning routine was thrown off. And with the rush of endorphins coursing through their bodies, they decided to take their dog Lucy on her walk in the buff. 

What did it matter? It was 6:30am in cozy little Hopkinton, MA. The workday at EMC, where the entire town worked, didn't begin for at least another hour and their tree-lined street was always quiet. Plus, Alan Dershowitz does it every day when he's at his house on the Vineyard and he's definitely not creepy. So out the door they went, tits & ass, and flacid dick hanging in the breeze. 

Lucy didn't notice.

Unluckily for them, chief of police Bennett was out on patrol and happened to be driving around their block and busted them instead of just letting them live.

Lesson learned.

No word on if they were wearing masks or not.