D-Rose Is Now Taking Predictable Contact! Whatever That Means


DEERFIELD, Ill. — Chicago Bulls point guard Derrick Rose has started to take some contact in practice as he continues his rehab from a torn ACL in his left knee. “He’s doing what we call ‘predictable contact,’ ” Bulls head coach Tom Thibodeau said after Tuesday’s practice. “Obviously, you’re knowing what’s coming. “So he’s handled that part great. He’s done a little one-on-one, that’s coming around, but he’s still … everyone has to be patient. The next step will be a regular practice and he hasn’t done that yet. So once he does that, you know he’s getting closer.”


I know I’ll probably get hammered for this by outsiders. “D-Rose is so overrated. D-Rose will never win a Title” blah blah blah. But if we’re being perfectly honest, every time a new “development” in D-Rose’s rehab is released my ears perk up just a little bit more. Its like when one of your friends mentions your hot ex-girlfriend from years ago. Sit up in my chair a little and lean in to get the full scoop of when she’ll be back around town.


I mean if you had said to me 2 days ago, do the words “Predictable Contact” mean anything to you I probably would have just assumed it was a euphemism for masturbating every day. I go onto youjizz and then I engage in predictable contact.  But now I know the true meaning. It means D-Rose is that much closer to unpredictable contact which means he can then fully practice and then fully play. Predictable Contact, Fuck Yeah!



So mad at myself for not including Dwight Howard’s Girlfriend in yesterday’s “Tastiest NBA Wives and their corresponding Cereals” post.


She’s definitely a big bowl of Frosted Flakes with a bunch of strawberries on top, and by strawberries I mean anal sex.