I'm not joking when I say the Mariners are the least successful baseball organization in the broad general history of baseball organizations. Name the only Major League Baseball franchise to NEVER appear in a World Series: That's right Jeremy. The Mariners. The hopeless, pathetic, emotionally unstable and historically irrelevant goddamn Seattle Mariners. If baseball teams were actual people the Mariners would live in their mom's basement. But mom died like 18 years ago and the Mariners refuse to sell the house because they're a lazy asshole and it's easier to just keep things the same. So they sit inside and draw the blinds and watch family videos from the mid-90's when times were better. When life wasn't completely sad and pathetic and filled with identity issues. That's basically what it means to be a Mariners fan with the notable caveat that there is literally not one proud moment in the franchise's history. Every season has ended in disappointment literally every single time.
You hate yourself.
That's being a Mariners fan.
So can someone then explain to me why they're comfortable making a Steve Bartman joke? Like is it really THAT funny to the Mariners that Steve Bartman interfered with Moises Alou? Is it really THAT funny that he went into hiding because the Cubs missed the World Series and everyone blamed him? That his life was effectively ruined over a foul ball at a baseball game?
Maybe the only rational explanation is that because the Mariners are so far removed from the World Series and general relevancy that they simply can't comprehend the weight of the circumstances surrounding Bartman. The only reason I can understand this is their heads are that far up their asses. That's what I think.
Let me be clear: Steve Bartman and the 2003 Cubs is an emotional hurdle we all have to clear at some point. Virtually no one I know holds any ill will over Bartman and that makes plenty of sense. Outside of the convenient symbol of heartbreak, there's no reason to keep Bartman around. If the Mariners want to linger on the joke, I want them to know that they look like fucking idiots.
As such I award you no points and may God have mercy on your soul.