Cuncel Da Saeson
Blow an 8-2 lead. Lose a game in which you score 10 runs. Atrocious bullpen performance. And an ex-Met delivers the killshot.
You know what I call that right there? Cuncel Bingo. That was the case last year with Jay Bruce delivering the death blow. Tonight its Travis d'Arnaud. Whenever a game has all of that criteria...in the middle of an already clusterfuck of a season...when in just 8 short games you feel like all three major facets of the game have been exposed as mediocre...you can go ahead and call it. Sure, 8 out of 15 teams make the playoffs now, so under these rules anything can happen. But we all know where this road leads. We all know how this movie ends. Not "anything" can happen. Plenty of things can happen, but Mets happiness is not one of them. Because the Wilpon-owned Mets bringing me happiness is not a possibility. Its an impossibility. Its a law of nature. It cannot happen. Like 2 objects occupying the same space at the same time. Or how about the Laws of Motion:
1) An object will remain at rest or in a uniform state of motion unless that state is changed by an external force - Translation: the Mets suck and will continue to suck unless they are changed by an external force, Steve Cohen.
2) Force is equal to the change in momentum (mass times velocity) over time - Misery = Amount of Mets games watched over time.
3) For every action in nature there is an equal and opposite reaction - As long as the Mets are owned by the Wilpons, there will be a Cuncel.
These are the irrefutable laws of physics and Mets baseball. And so there is not point in fighting nature. Fighting gravity and mathematics and science and fate and destiny. Its inevitable. So tonight I Cuncel:
and I make this solemn promise to you - if somehow the Steve Cohen sale falls through again, its a Permanent Cuncel.
Until that potentially catastrophic moment though, we continue to recite the Cohen's Creed. Tonight...on Cuncel Night, we say the Cohen Creed louder and prouder than ever. With tears in our eyes and my heart completely empty:
UNCLE STEVIE IS COMING, THIS SEASON IS FRAUDULENT ANYWAY. UNCLE STEVIE IS COMING, THIS SEASON IS FRAUDULENT ANYWAY. UNCLE STEVIE IS COMING, THIS SEASON IS FRAUDULENT ANYWAY. UNCLE STEVIE IS COMING, THIS SEASON IS FRAUDULENT ANYWAY. UNCLE STEVIE IS COMING, THIS SEASON IS FRAUDULENT ANYWAY.