Most Un-American Minor League Baseball Team Ever Is Banning Peanuts Tonight For "Peanut Allergy Awareness Night"

FTW – It’s impossible to go to a ballpark and not step on mounds of peanut shells in the stands, but for one game the Indianapolis Indians, Class AAA affiliate of the Pittsburgh Pirates, is banning peanuts from Victory Field.

Wednesday’s game against the Louisville Bats is Peanut Allergy Awareness Night. According to the Indianapolis Star, a number of MLB teams will also hold “peanut allergy friendly” games throughout the year featuring no-peanut zones.

Let’s just make one thing abundantly clear right now. Peanut allergies are not a real thing in real life. If you are allergic to peanuts, it is because your parents are assholes and didn’t let you have them when you were younger because some dickbag doctor said they are bad for you. It’s a totally made up thing. You think anyone who fought in WWII had a peanut allergy? No. Because they were the greatest generation and not a bunch of pussies.

Anyway, getting a bag of peanuts at the ball game is about one of the most American things I can think of. Do you actually get peanuts every time you’re all the ballpark? Probably not. But the fact that you can if you wanted to is what this great nation was founded on. To take peanuts away from a baseball game is a direct kick in the dick to George Washington. “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks, I don’t care if I ever come back” is just as patriotic as the Pledge of Allegiance. And now these bozos from Indianapolis are trying to take that away from us? No way. Not today. Not ever.