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Antonio Brown's Retirement Ends After 48 Hours

July 20th:


July 22nd:

 I have complied with each and every ask of your investigations throughout the past 11 months. You have had access to all of my phones, you know what the deal is in each and every situation that the media has distorted. I have been seeing the therapist you asked me to, I have worked on all aspects of my life this past year and have become a better man because of it. The fact that you refuse to provide a deadline and the reason for the fact you won’t resolve your investigations is completely unacceptable. I demand you provide me clarity on this situation immediately if you really care about my wellbeing. My legal team continues to ask and you provide no answers. How is it that the league can just drag it’s feet on any investigation it chooses on players and we just have to sit there in limbo? Need an update so I can talk to these teams properly, they’re waiting on you @nfl let’s get this thing moving! We’ve got history to make!!  

- Antonio Brown

Well that was fun while it lasted. 

Some people simply don't do well in retirement. Having all the time in the world isn't as great as it sounds. It's natural to miss the challenge of the every day, working world grind that is so important to the human psyche. As Larry Bird put it when he decided to get into coaching, "You can only play so much golf."

I get it. My oldest brother got offered early retirement from the company he'd been working for since high school, but was uncertain if he should. He had to be talked into it by his financial guy. When I asked why he explained how hard it is to just stop doing what you've been doing your whole life by saying, "When you open the gate, cows are hesitant to go out into the pasture." So true. The obituaries - or what we call in Boston, the Irish Sports Page - are lousy with people who die within months of retiring. As some have said, when they throw you a retirement party, that's the next-to-last party anyone will throw in your honor. The next will be your funeral. 

So Antonio Brown unretiring after two days is totally understandable. He probably had a whole list of things he's been meaning to get to but never had the time for. Maybe he replaced that screen on the porch door. Finally replaced the spark plug and the blade on the lawn mower so it starts easier and cuts better. Fixed that drip in the sink. Read some of the novels from his Great Books list. Caught up on "Ozarks." But there's only so much time you can spend not working. And it was either get a part time job at Lowe's or as a starter at the local golf course or get back to the NFL. Returning to "The Masked Singer" is out, because that was kind of a one-off. 

So he's choosing to do the thing he's best at. Which is catching footballs and driving his coaches and team management insane with his zany, anti-social, narcissistic hijinks. I can't wait. 


P.S. Is it me, or does AB's writing improve by an order of magnitude when he goes from Twitter to Instagram? It's almost as if it's someone else entirely writing his IG posts.