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As If Chicago Wasn't Already The Best Summer Time City On The Planet, It's Added River Surfing and A Floating Drive In Theatre To The Mix

This city man. 

Sure you roll the dice on living to see tomorrow anytime you walk out your door here (s/o Lori, J.B., and the rest of the Madigan machine- keep doing you guys!) but that's the price you pay to call the greatest city in the world your home in the summer months. 

If you've been here in the summer you get it. I won't bore you with the usual long list of accolades Chicago offers every June- September. 

(sidebar - I've been called crazy for lesser theories, but I'm onboard with the believers who think the seasons have shifted a month over the last 20-25 years. September is the best weather month of the year now. And it doesn't seem like Chicago is the only place this is true. Not even talking Indian Summer either (no offense to whoever that offends))

If you haven't been here in the warm weather months than believe the hype. I fuckin hate the disgraceful political machine that strangles small business and honest hard-working families here, hate the lack of attention and action directed towards ending the senseless violence, hate the pizza, and strongly dislike the winters, but even with all that in the "cons" category, the "pros" wins every time going away.

And that was before River surfing was introduced! 

(s/o @tayquigs for the video)

I wouldn't be shocked if you told me this was Big Dick Ken Griffin out on the Chicago River he'll soon own the rights to testing out the newest prototype of his latest toy. 

This thing is straight out of 2030. 

At the end of that clip, it doesn't even look like it's touching the water. That's Ken for ya.

And in more positive Chicago news, we're getting a water drive-in movie theatre.

Fox 32 Chicago - Grab your own boat with a few mates and enjoy a movie whilst bobbing on the water.

Beyond Cinema, an Australian production company, said the Chicago run for Floating Boat Cinema is scheduled for Sept. 9-13. The exact location has not yet been announced.

The cinema will be made up of 12 to 24 mini boats, which hold up to eight people per boat.

The deal includes free popcorn for all attendees with the option to purchase additional movie snacks and drinks prior to setting sail.

Tickets will require you to purchase the whole boat to ensure that groups will be seated with friends and family only, and to allow for social distancing on and between boats.

Movies are set to be a mix of golden oldies and new releases but will be announced when tickets go on sale in the near future. Pandemic aside, past events Beyond Cinema has hosted include themed parties such as "The Great Gatsby," "Mad Hatters Tea Party" and "The Titanic."

This looks fuckin awesome. 

Once again kids today have it made in the shade and they have zero idea how lucky they are.

Do you know how easy it's going to be to catch a handjob in one of these? It basically comes with the price of admission. Social distancing on the water in a private boat while watching Titanic is the biggest layup of all time. All-time. 

Facebook, Tinder, text messaging, snapchat, floating drive in movie theatres. If you're a teenager in 2020 not soaking the stick what are you even doing with your life?