Ocean's 36": A Thief Is On The Loose In Vegas After Stealing A 3 Foot, 40 Lb. Dildo

TMZ- Here's a real jaw-dropping crime, even in Sin City -- a man making off with a humongous dildo without paying, and even though the whole caper's on camera ... it might be tough to nail this guy. We're told the suspect struck July 14 in broad daylight, and surveillance footage shows him calmly strolling into the Deja Vu Love Boutique in Las Vegas ... and walking out with the massive sex toy slung over his shoulder.

This is not your average dildo ... it stands a whopping 3-feet tall, weighs in at an impressive 40 pounds and goes by the name Moby Dick. Not quite what Herman Melville had in mind, we're guessing, but ya get the point: the suspect is packing! Big time. According to the police report, the guy -- whose ID was concealed by a face mask -- crammed the phallus into a white car, similar to a Dodge Caliber, and made a clean getaway. It's a pretty lucrative haul ... Moby goes for a cool $1,200, retail.

I don't know what type of hijinks Danny Ocean has up his sleeve this time, but I cannot wait to see the scheme that required a 40 pound dildo in order to bamboozle Terry Benedict out of some of his hard earned casino cash. The craziest thing about this isn't that the cockburglar stole a 40 lb. dildo roughly the size of the Amazing Yen in the middle of the day while the sun and the Lord are watching. It's that he didn't have to break stride during his entire plan. The only time people look at you suspiciously in 2020 is if you AREN'T wearing a mask while in a store and I bet there are at least 100 other people walking the streets of Sin City with gigantic genitalia in their hands at any given moment. This was truly the perfect crime.

I was going to spend the rest of the blog throwing around dick jokes while ultimately coming up short, which is essentially the story of my life. So instead of making you guys suffer any more than you already have, here are the classic Austin Powers dick jokes from a series that becomes more and more underrated by the day.