This blog is going to be pretty much exactly what the headline says. I will be ranking every "Jason Derulo" sang by Jason Derulo...plus a bit more. I decided in the spirit of the game, I would include some times other people also sang his name, but only on tracks that he himself also sings on. There are a shocking number of other random individuals who have attempted to hitch their wagon to the star that is singing the name Jason Derulo by singing it in a song that has nothing to do with him. I found this to be a strange and, frankly, uncomfortable move, and I will not be enabling them to do this even more often by including it in this blog.
So, here it is. The list that absolutely everyone has been waiting for since the moment the first "Jason Derulo" was formed in the larynx, made its way up the vocal cords and left the mouth of Jason Derulo in the form of song. Let's do it.
Here's a little palate cleanser to get us started:
23. Swalla (feat. Nicki Minaj & Ty Dolla $ign) - Timestamp: 3:46 - This song is an absolute abomination to the spirit of the game. Nicki Minaj has no trouble immediately starting the song with a "Young Money," but we don't get anything until a pathetic little "Derulo" right at the end of the song.
22. Painkiller (feat. Meghan Trainor) - Timestamp: 0:01 - Megan Trainer sings Derulo's name after he first sings M-Train, which apparently she was trying to get to catch on as a nickname? It didn’t. The sheer disrespect to both follow up this fraud nickname with an exaggerated, way too over-the-top "Jason Derulo" was upsetting to say the least.
21. The Other Side - Timestamp: 3:46 - Feels worth noting that this "Jason Derulo" also came at the 3:46 moment of the song. Feel like the odds can't be very high on that. The "Jason Derulo" was too quiet and he made me wait too long for it. If you're going to make me wait that long, you have to pack a bigger punch than this.
20. Sofia Reyes - 1, 2, 3 (feat. Jason Derulo & De La Ghetto) - Timestamp: 1:24 - Derulo starts this song by saying "Sofia" in a rare, but breathtakingly selfless move, and then comes in later with a “mi nombre es Jason Derulo" at the end of the second verse. Remember earlier when I said if you're going to make me wait, then deliver? He did just that here. The Spanish twist was great, but unfortunately I did still have to wait and while I appreciate the selflessness, I can't say I love when other names take priority over his.
19. The Sky's The Limit - Timestamp: 0:13 - Too quiet volume wise, overshadowed by a cacophony of electronic sounds. Not terrible, but certainly nothing to write home about. Also not worth many more words here. Just forgettable.
18. Encore - Timestamp: 0:14 - The rare Jason Derulo love ballad and a “Jason Derulo” to match it. Derulo dropped his normal super aggressively horny style for a more sensual, but confident, tone. Going to be honest, I miss the horniness.
17. Test Drive by Akanishi Jin (feat. Jason Derulo) - Timestamp 0:10 - I don't know who the hell Akanishi Jin thinks he is, but SEVEN "jin jin jin jin jin jin jins" before a "Jason Derulo" is a crime unlike anything I have ever seen. Deeply disturbing that Derulo would even participate in this considering the level of disrespect present. At least we get his full name, and it comes pretty quickly into the song, but just not good.
16. F It Up - Timestamp: 0:03 - A whispered, simple "Derulo." Nothing more nothing less. Honestly, spoiler, just group up 16-12 here because the effort levels were at an all-time fucking low. I'm appreciative of just getting it out of the way and not making me wait, but goodness gracious, effort please.
15. Tip Toe (feat French Montana) - Timestamp: 0:01 - Short and to the point, but more of this just "Derulo" stuff. Now, I don't know of a particularly large amount of Derulos, but what is wrong with a full name? Felt like we were really getting into a groove there and he felt a need to switch it up. Sidebar: This very well may be the horniest song in history.
14. Want to Want me - Timestamp: 0:01 - I know this is going to come as a shock to everyone, but we have another "Derulo" here. I like the whisper, it is different at least, but again just underwhelming. Really starting to get sick of this guy at this point.
13. Savage Love (feat. Jawsh 685) - Timestamp: 0:11 - Guess what? Another "Derulo!" Exactly what the people don't want. If you have spent a single second on TikTok over the last few months, you have heard this song. It was everywhere. Catchy as hell, but come on man, give the people what they want!
12. Jason Derulo & David Guetta - Goodbye (Lyrics) ft. Nicki Minaj & Willy William - Timestamp: 0:11 - It is honestly a travesty that Willy William didn't sing his own name. What an absolutely preposterous name. While this one did come at us quickly, it was unfortunately just another "Derulo." It is becoming clear that Jason went through a bit of a rebrand sometime around 2017 and really wanted to drop the whole name. I would be lying if I said it was my favorite thing. This one gets a nod simply due to Willy William.
11. Talk About Us (feat. Stefflon Don) - Timestamp: 0:01 - I'm not sure who the mystery woman singing both Derulo and Stefflon Don's names are, but she delivered. I like the switch up to just "Jason" because it is even more preposterous to assume someone simply listening to this song hears "Jason" and immediately assumes it is Jason Derulo. That level of confidence is one I have never quite been close to.
10. Talk Dirty (feat. 2. Chainz) - Timestamp: 0:00 - Coming atcha quick! Another simple just "Jason" here, which I still think is a courageous move to say the least, but it literally occurs the moment the song begins. Another mystery woman is in play here too. Who is she? I would very much like to know. Feel these mystery women need to get more credit for their significant contributions to this man's career.
9. Alok, Martin Jensen, Jason Derulo - Don't Cry For Me - Timestamp: 0:03 - Really gets right to the point here. This is Derulo's newest released song, and a clear level of maturity has come with time. He doesn't shove it down your throat or do too much, just a simple, sang "Jason Derulo." Am I going nuts over here? No, of course not. Am I disappointed though? Not at all.
8. Mamacita (feat. Farruko) - Timestamp: 0:06 - Farruko takes the honor hear of delivering both names, but he does so expertly. I know I have been hyper-critical on others going first, so this may seem hypocritical, but something about the latin flare Farruko provides just has me wanting more. He also gave more time and attention to the "Jason Derulo" than his own name, which is honestly unprecedented and also appreciated.
7. Pick Up The Pieces - Timestamp: 0:17 - We are now in the part of the list where Derulo was absolutely dealing out quality autobiographical name drops. He comes in BLAZING on this song. I'm going to be honest with you all, I was fading a bit here while writing this. Morale was a bit low. Pick Up The Pieces' "Jason Derulo" has me ready to run through a brick wall.
6. Don't Wanna Go Home - Timestamp: 0:03 - Brought very similar energy to the table as #13, but got to it quicker. His album Future History is clearly when he was in his absolute prime. More to come from this album.
5. Coño - Timestamp: 0:03 "Jayyshinnn Duhroooloh." No longer Jay-sin, but Jay-shin. I'm not sure what prompted this change, but I…really like it? Not only did he seemingly develop a speech impediment over night, but he did so while delivering an angsty, lusty sounding name drop. Sidebar: Coño means pussy in spanish. Aggressive ass song title. What the heck man?
4. That's My Shhh - Timestamp: 0:14 - I did not know this song existed until I embarked on this arduous journey. What it lacks in YouTube views (17k) it makes up for in "Jason Derulo." He got a little wacky here and went heavy on the emphasis on the RU of the Derulo. I wasn't sure how to feel about it at first, but after a few listens I decided I really was into it.
3. Cyber Love (feat. Mims) - Timestamp: 0:16 - Holy shit Mims? This is Why I’m Hot Mims? What a throwback it was to see this name come up. This is just your classic, old fashioned "Jason Derulo." Effortless, not too much, but still clear. Before he decided to be "Derulo" or simply "Jason," when Mims was someone that still existed on planet earth. This was a "Jason Derulo" to take you back to a simpler time.
2. Whatcha Say - Timestamp: 0:11 - A certified BANGER. The classic. The OG. The one we know and love him for. When the intro "wawawawawhat" alternates between headphones? Absolute audio porn. Nearly shit my pants as a fourteen-year-old the first time I heard it. This was a GREAT “Jason Derulo” and the trend that started a legendary run…but not number one
1. In My Head - Timestamp: 0:10 - "JAAAASOOOONNNN DEEEERUUUUUULOOOOOO." High energy, long and sustained, goes RIGHT into an absolutely ELECTRIC "bbbbeluga heights" and "jjjjjrrrrr" which were both, for some reason unbeknownst to me, staples of the 2010s music scene. Just absolutely perfect, flawless execution. The true gold standard. Also, can we talk about how much a hang your nuts out move it is to include a different song of yours in the music video to your next song? No, don't just shout your name to let everyone know who you are, also just play a clip of your most famous song. The king of self recognition.
There it is. The thing absolutely no one has ever wanted or needed. 1700+ words on a man singing his own name. Can't say I didn't put the effort in.