We had Captain Cons on the Barstool Chicago Snake Draft about a month ago to draft "Best Beers" which wasn't a category about actual beers, but more circumstantial. More like The Best Time For A Beer and the results were nothing short of what we've delivered throughout quarantine in these drafts: extremely competitive and intense dialogue around seemingly meaningless topics. And naturally it was an awesome time:
Only problem is we released a new draft today with Feits and Dana about Best Canned & Bottled Beers/Alcoholic Beverages and from there things got heated. Obviously big crossover in philosophy from Best Beers and definitely worth a listen or else I wouldn't be blogging this in the first place:
With respect to today's controversy, it all allegedly started with general offense to Dana that he wasn't invited to the Best Beers draft. Specifically, Dana had this to say on Friday shortly after we finished recording:
Then Cons responded in kind:
Understandable response from Cons. He wasn't involved in the recording and was caught off guard as being described as the Beer Guy, a claim he didn't directly make to Dana or anyone else if I remember correctly. But nevertheless, the seeds of beef had been planted.
Fast forward a few hours to Dana on a golf course, shirtless:
Cons sees the video and responds a shade after midnight local time. My understanding is that the course was closed when this tweet was sent:
Dana fires back:
From here, the stage was set for an antagonizing weekend as we officially get into the meat and potatoes of the argument. Come Saturday morning, we were off to the races:
But as you see, the argument starts to twist away from who is the Beer Guy and directly into appropriate coozie (sic) usage and what that says about your status as a beer drinker. Dana throws a shot, which begs a completely different question from Cons:
And this is where things completely turn. We agree it's pretty stupid to call one guy over the other as the Beer guy. You'll literally never cross the finish line of that argument without one participant inciting violence upon the other. And at a higher level, it's just an impossibly stupid argument. But layered within that is the actually valid question of What Do We Think Of Guys Who Bring Their Own Koozie To The Bar?
Fortunately, we get an hour every afternoon Monday-Friday to talk about shit like this on Barstool Radio and that's exactly one of the focus topics from today. If you're not getting your news from Barstool Chicago between 2-3pm Central then idk what to tell you at this point.
Ultimately we heard several sides of the argument and I'm still on a fence and can't make up my mind. So let me briefly summarize and then turn around to you guys because last thing I want is to be wrong about whether I should prioritize permanent access to a koozie or if doing so makes me a pussy.
In This Corner We Have "Koozie All The Time": Cons says it's imperative in warm weather climates like Texas where he was once stationed in the Army. He has personal experience of beers sweating their tits off when it's 108 with a dry heat, and he claims a koozie is the Go To solution. In his defense, several people south of the Mason-Dixon line have personally reached out to express their support. They've specifically said that you're an idiot if you DONT have your koozie on hand, and that it's way more common. From here, Cons has argued that his experience in warm weather climates have built an effective habit of always having a koozie on him because it enhances the experience. Even if it's December in NYC, he's grown accustomed to koozie life and has no problems abandoning it. And he doesn't care if you think it's stupid because ultimately it's his beer and at the end of the day, you should be worrying about your own beer. In simpler terms, it becomes a way of life.
In This Corner We Have "You're A Psycho For Always Having A Koozie In Your Pocket": You have to be crushing so many warm weather beers on a weekly basis to actively have a koozie in your pocket at all times. In mild-climates it can definitely be seen as a hardo move, and I can assure you only a small fraction of Northerners would call it Normal. Especially if you're out to drink several beers - why would you want a koozie to nurse? Doesn't that go against the grain of pounding beers? Some people actually prefer a temperature-induced shot clock. I might be one of those people. Then also factor in the personal anxiety that comes with forgetting a koozie or losing the lucky koozie or being negatively judged for being the 1 guy in a room of 300 using a koozie. There's a lot of public shame if you're in the wrong spot.
Personally I think it's a nice touch to drink a beer out of a koozie. But I also think it's a huge commitment and says a lot about your own brand. Like I have this one Yeti koozie that cost $29.99 but it keeps beers cold for 24 hours and I keep it in my golf bag. It's not apart of my wardrobe and certainly won't be making it's way out for a night on the town. But I also value it immensely when I am using it appropriately, so this is extra hard to pick one over the other. I imagine guys living in scorching temperatures feel the same way about drinking their beers on an outdoor patio. But to have it all the time? Idk if I can do that.
Gun to my head it's a nice convenience, but as Eddie said on radio it's enough to remember the wallet, keys and phone. For most men that's the Holy Trinity and I just can't see another item climbing into the Tier 1 necessities. But I'm also a historically stupid person that frequently gets stuff wrong so I'll turn it over to you when it comes to Koozies All The Time.
Do we respect that or is it over the top?
Please leave a respectful comment engaging on this matter in the designated section below: