All the greatest couples in history have a backstory. Cleopatra and Mark Antony's fiery love took place against the backdrop of Roman politics. Heloise and Abelard's affair occurred within the smothering confines of the Catholic Church. Prince Edward (the secret Nazi) gave up the throne of Britain for his divorced American dominatrix lover Wallis Simpson.
Well, the 21st century can now add their own couple to the greatest love affairs in history: Quavo and Saweetie.
According to this incredibly detailed (and not at all pretentious) profile in GQ [LINK STORY], It all began where most random celebrity romances spark. The DMs. Quavo saw Saweetie, the rapper best known for her songs “ICY Girl” and “My Type” on his “explore” page. After a little IG stalking, Quavo found just the pick up line to entice her to respond.
His slick, debonair pickup line actually was, “You an ICY Grl, you need a glacier boy” along with the snowflake emoji.
TBH, FIRE pick up line. If someone with a million dollars of diamonds chilling in their mouth alone hit me with that plus the snowflake emoji, I honestly don’t even know what I would do (besides blog about it). The only line that could have rivaled the snowflake was if he quoted her song lyric “Eight-inch big, ooh, that's good pipe.”
After some sexy banter via social media and FaceTime, Quavo made the move, took the leap and invited her to LA.
Classic 21st-century cute meet.
Like any good love story, there were obstacles to overcome.
The first hiccup came the first time they hung out; he invited her to a BBQ which ended up being more like a rowdy backyard function that, she says, “looked like [the video to Tupac's] ‘I Get Around.’ ”
And because Saweetie isn’t ANYONE’S HO, she ghosted him. Time to put your money where your grill is.
And he did. Quavo persuaded Saweetie to come to Atlanta for a full tour of the city.
After a nice time at a steakhouse where Quavo almost “choked to death on a crab cake,” the couple retired to -- where else -- the strip club.
Magic City Bayyybeeee. The place that Atlanta deems as the hottest night time spot for social gatherings.
Enter the second obstacle that could have but did not derail this couple from their inevitable love.
As the night was wrapping up, gunshots, cough cough GUNSHOTS rang out throughout the club. Instead of shielding his love interest from harm, Quavo abandoned ship and ran for cover (gotta protect the brand at all costs amirite?) leaving his new fling to fend for herself.
I don’t know about you, but there is NOTHING that makes me more turned on than the sound of gunshots and the fear of death. And nothing screams this is MY MAN like a guy who flees the club during a gunfight and leaves his love interest behind.
Naturally, as Quavo reveals in this recent GQ feature, “this chaotic first date concluded with another, more intimate first.” Saweetie literally banged the guy who left her behind during a gunfight at a strip club on a first date. Now THAT’S true love.
And they’ve never looked back since. Awwww.
I for one, am now heading straight to the explore page for love. Fuck Hinge, or real life, maybe I too can meet a superstar rapper who will coach me on my flow and give me career advice on the ins and outs of the music industry. Maybe I can find a man that invites me to a strip club and eventually lets me call him by his birth name and not his rap alias. This story honestly makes me feel like there is still hope for a 34 year old internet blogger swiping on OK Cupid.
Oh Romeo, wherefore art thou? The gram, obviously.