Daily Mail- Frail and tired of leading a secret life for four decades, 66-year-old Clarence David Moore called police this week to surrender. The deputy who answered thought it was a prank. It wasn’t. Moore escaped from police custody three times during the 1970s and eventually settled into a quiet life, living in Kentucky since at least 2009. His health is poor from a stroke late last year and he has difficulty speaking. When Franklin County Sheriff Pat Melton showed up at Moore’s house to make the ‘arrest,’ Moore was in a hospital bed. He broke down in tears. He told the sheriff he needed medical help. ‘He looks like he’s almost 90,’ the sheriff said. On Monday, after he called police, he was taken from his home by ambulance to a local hospital for evaluation and then to jail, where he remained in custody Wednesday.
There it is! The answer to the Barstool blogger problem of not having health insurance. We’ll all just get arrested and thrown in jail. It’s as simple as that. Do they have wifi in there? They probably do. That’s all we need. TBH it wouldn’t be all that different from the life I lead now. Sit in a confined space for hours on end, be a worthless blob and never go outside. But this time around I’d have health insurance. Feels like a win all the way around. The sex life is pretty undesirable in the slammer but health care/insurance, baby! Can’t beat that! JK. I like being a free man. I also don’t totally mind not having health insurance. First of all, it makes me a total bad ass. Nothing makes panties drop at the bar faster than, “Yeah, so, if I get sick or injured in anyway I just kinda let it fix itself.” Feel free to use that line in the next couple of days. It’ll work. Second, I’m a strapping young man in his mid-20s. I’m invincible*. I’m gonna be just fine.
*For sure gonna break my leg somehow how this weekend after saying that. Probably stepping out of a golf cart or something
PS- This is also a shitty reminder that you can’t out run time. This dude has been successfully ducking the cops for 40 fucking years. He had them beat. He was living a quiet life under an alias and not hurting anybody. He was a free man. The cops didn’t even give a shit anymore. But what did him in? His body sucks now. It needs maintenance and he’s so fucking old that he can barely talk. Getting old is gonna be the worst.