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Everybody Remembers That One Old School Game They Just Couldn't Be Beaten At...And It's Total Bullshit

No, sorry to break it to you.  You probably got your dick kicked in from time to time at Techmo, Brandon Walker.   No, you weren't the greatest Goldeneye player ever, Jared Carrabis.  You probably even played as Oddjob and lost every slappers only match known to man.  White Sox Dave's iPhone watch literally gives him reminders to breathe, so am I supposed to believe he's ever beaten Battletoads, the hardest game ever created, with ease like he claims?  Hell no.  Hindsight is 20/20 and also bulldick at the same time.  Let the facts stay facts.  Listen, I'm the second greatest MK64 player on Earth (behind Jason Kelce), and even I've lost some wars here and there.  Hey, even Tom Brady loses Super Bowls sometimes, right?  

Sure.  Whatever.  Just start following Gametime and #SplitScreen and your nostalgia will appreciate it.  Till then, we dance in Verdansk.  

Let's ride.