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I Do Not Like This Fish One Bit

Ever so often I am scrolling the TL on Twitter and something makes me stop in my tracks. Today, it was this tweet.

First of all, I do not like the NY Post implying that this fish aroused me. It did not arouse me and, frankly, putting those words in my mouth feels not great, slanderous even.

There is something about animals with features that look humanlike that makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Similar to the idea of the uncanny valley, a phenomenon that makes people feel weird when things look nearly human. Now, this is very clearly a fish. There seems to have been a considerable amount of debate surrounding the validity of this fish. Is this picture even real? I do not know. I sure hope not, for a couple reasons.

1. It kind of looks like it has human teeth, but they are just slightly different enough to make me sick to my stomach. It doesn't really look like human teeth, but it doesn't not look like human teeth. The top ones are all the same size, the bottom ones seem to just be two giant ones. I frankly don't know how to process this so I am going to move on.

2. I lied earlier and this fish slightly arouses me. Teeth aside, the lips are perfect. Slightly agape. Pouty. I'm sweating. Fast forward six months and thousands will surely be trotting into plastic surgery offices with this picture, begging for the look.

3. I found a side angle and I, once again, am no longer aroused by this fish. 

Look at that "where my hug at" looking headass. Eyes in the wrong spot, crooked racing strip and, from the side, the lips look like something resulting from the Kylie Jenner challenge. Yuck, gross.

Honestly, I am slightly learning toward this fish being real because I do not know why someone would create this fake monster. What would they gain? Hypothetically confusing a 25-year-old man (yes, man, you read that right) into some twisted feelings surrounding a fish? What kind of game is that?

I think I may need some time to myself to process a ton of feelings going on right now.