Quite the news bomb from Paul Rabil on some Complex podcast this week. And that right there, ladies and gentlemen, is how you drive all the attention over to your league that is about to start up again in 10 days. The PLL Championship Series gets underway in Salt Lake City on July 25th and now all anybody can talk about is which pro lacrosse player used to be whipping out his dick and nuts as a side hustle before players could make an actual living on just lacrosse alone.
I gotta be honest--there are a TON of suspects here. Realistically too many to name. Just think about how many of these guys are so quick to blast out some shirtless workout videos on social media. I'm not going to name any names here but I don't even think that guys like Kyle Hartzell and Rob Pannell own shirts that aren't lacrosse jerseys. Pretty sure the only time they're not tarps off is when they're in the middle of a game. But Pannell is an Ivy League guy so I doubt he'd ever need to hang dong for some extra George Washingtons, and Hartzell is always doing a bunch of random drills so I doubt he'd ever have the time to strip.
So what about some of the beefier boys in the game? Chicks dig a unit. They don't mind a little thiccness. Could it be Rambo? Unlikely considering he only had one year in the MLL. Could it be an absolute beautician like Blaze Riorden? It definitely seems like the type of move a goalie would pull. But he seems like the type of guy who would do it for the love of the game, not as a profession.
If I had to put my money on it right now, I'm gonna go ahead and say it is someone from Long Island. Which definitely doesn't really narrow down our search at all since half the guys are from the Island. But that's what I'm going with. Someone from Long Island and most likely a defenseman. Just a big time meathead out here slangin' wang for money. What a legend. We need answers.