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Crazy Video Of A Mom Escaping Getting Flattened By A Tree By Mere Inches Thanks To Her Favorite Son Yelling At Her To Run

One of the first things I realized after becoming a father of two is that my parents didn't bullshit me all those years when they said they loved all their kids the same. You may LIKE one kid more than another based on if one has been behaving better, did something that made you proud, or is just being a good old fashioned asshole. My 5-year-old daughter has been living atop the Power Rankings of the Clem kids for almost my 2-year-old son's entire life.

Despite AJ living in the cellar as the Mets of the family to my daughter's Yankees, if I was ever in that nightmarish situation that only exists in movies where I held both kids over a cliff and could only choose one to live, I would probably sacrifice myself before I chose one over the other because the love you have for your kids is so engrained in your soul, you are able to overlook all the crap they put you through. 

HOWEVAH, all that No Favorites, equal love bullshit goes directly out the window if one of my kids warns me to run like Forrest right before Groot's dick hammers me directly to hell while the other one watches on like a goober in his wetsuit. Usually the oldest kid has to deal with more rules and mistakes while the younger siblings get away with a lot more since parents don't care as much thanks to experience and being even more tired than you were a few years ago. But this kid with the blue shorts should have it made on easy street after saving his mom's life. You know who gets to pick between pizza and Chinese when the parents can't decide? The kid that saved his mom's life. You know who gets to decide if that house is an XBox house or a PlayStation house? The kid that saved his mom's life. You know who gets dessert for the rest of his life even if he doesn't eat his veggies? You get the point. I imagine living in a house with a pool area like that already was pretty good. But it just got a whole lot better for blue shorts who can live in the basement for the rest of his life and still be number 1 in his mom's power rankings.