Here it is at last. Definitive proof of something I've only speculated on, but can now confirm. At some point in 2019, spacetime was fractured, creating an untold number of different futures, and we are living in the strangest timeline of them all.
What the hell. Bill Belichick, who hasn't endorsed a product since this, possibly the most 90s photo outside of the cover of Nirvana's "Nevermind" CD:
... is now doing ads for America's most popular sub shop. And the cosmos just got exponentially weirder.
But hey, why not? It's not that hard to imagine, I suppose. I'm sure Belichick is a huge Subway customer. He's probably got the Subway MyWay [tm] Rewards Card. I can just picture him standing in line at the one on Route 1 up the street from Gillette. Maybe letting someone cut in front of him so he can served by his favorite Sandwich Artist [tm]. Having him whip up a footlong Chicken & Bacon Ranch Melt on toasted Italian for him and a Veggie Delite wrap for Linda, in that just so way that he always gets right. Maybe they throw in a little Black Forest Ham on the side for Nike the dog. So if there's anyone qualified to encourage America to come get tonight's family dinner wrapped in deli paper and love, it's the captain of VIII Rings.
And let's not kid ourselves. He is not going to halfass this. If he's endorsing a product, he's putting all his effort and preparation into it. He'll do the research. Go in prepared. Spend twice the time that creepshow Jared did. And put himself in the pantheon of your greatest pitchmen in history. The true greats of the game. Ed McMahon. Arnold Palmer. OJ Simpson. Bill Cosby. George Foreman. Michael Jordan. Even your professional full timers like Ron "Father of the Pocket Fisherman" Popeil, Vince Shlomi, My Pillow Guy, and dare I even say, the late, great Bill Mays.
My advice to Davey Day Trader and all you investors out there is to buy shares in Subway. Once America gets a load of this charmer sinking his teeth into a mouthwatering Italian BMT [tm], they'll be beating a path to Subway's door.