8-Year-Old Writes Letter To Michelle Obama Criticizing The Obama Administration On ISIS, The Ukraine, And Ketchup

Okay so I’m just going to assume that little 8-year-old Peter wasn’t exactly on his own while writing this (unless he goes to bed every night listening to Rush Limbaugh whisper sweet nothings into his ear). I couldn’t agree more that we need to bomb the tits off of ISIS and wipe those meat-lockers off the map. Bombing Syria wouldn’t have been a bad idea either. Ukraine? That place is pretty fucked. All good stuff coming from 8-year-old Petey boy, but I’m sure he had a little help in coming up with #content to write about from Mommy or Daddy. But let’s take a step back real quick and look at the most startling concern that Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater has here. The ketchup.

Is this shit true? Does Michelle Obama really think that we can survive on one ketchup packet per lunch? And how did I miss this? (Besides just not really being in tune with the world of politics). I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again; the worst people in the world are those who think that they’re so much better than everyone else because they don’t use ketchup. The people who say “ketchup is for poor people” and so on. So your goddamn right Michelle Obama better rethink that bullshit elitist “one ketchup pack per meal” proposal. George Washington didn’t kick the shit out of the Brits and the Red Coats and the Indians for this nonsense. He did it so I could smother my fries in an entire bottle of Heinz if I damn well want to because that’s just about the most patriotic thing an American can do. Ketchup > Obama. Facts only. And is the White House comfy? Kinda need an answer on that one.

h/t Weekly Standard