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The Wayfair Human Trafficking Conspiracy Theory Isn't Real...Right? RIGHT??

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Newsweek - A new conspiracy theory surrounding products advertised by the home goods and furniture seller Wayfair now joins previous unsubstantiated allegations like Pizzagate regarding worldwide pedophilic sex trafficking among the economic elite.

The Wayfair conspiracy theory that became a social media sensation on Friday began with a post to the Conspiracy subreddit, which promotes user-submitted conspiracy theories, many thinly evidenced or unevidenced, to more than a million subscribers.


You know me. I love a good conspiracy theory. I'm a skeptic. I'm cynical. I definitely, 100,000% believe that the ultra rich and powerful people and companies of this world are engaging in all sorts of nefarious activities. Not only to satisfy their own urges, but to also entrap other people in order to blackmail and control anyone who might stand in their way. So more often than not, I'll have an open mind about any suspicious activity about the dark, seedy, underbelly of humanity. 

But not this time. Not with Wayfair. Theres just simply no way fucking Wayfair is engaging in human trafficking on their regular ass furniture website. Carrying out a prostitution and murder ring in plain sight. Before we even look at the "evidence," just think about that statement. Human traffickers dont do their trafficking where everyone in the world can see, you dummies. 

Right? I mean....RIGHT????

Theres only one thing I know for sure: the world is an atrocious place and often doesnt deserve the benefit of the doubt, so heres all the evidence saying Wayfair is a pedophile ring:

On Wayfair's website, they were selling exorbitantly priced cabinets:


Thats really where this all started from - expensive cabinets. These cabinets are regular ass, normal looking cabinets, but all of them are over $10,000. But, what else? What else is there that would cause you to leap from "expensive cabinets" to "human trafficking." Pardon me while I get out my Jump To Conclusions Mat


Where things start to get real suspicious is the description of the items - Neriah Storage Cabinet. Yaritza Storage Cabinet. Samiyah Storage Cabinet. Alvyia Storage Cabinet. According to the internet, which never lies, those are all the names of missing children. Neriah, Yaritza, Samiyah, Alviyia. 

Furthermore, it appears some even shadier shit goes on if you actually proceed to purchase these bajillion dollar cabinets. According to this screen record right here, this person searched the identifying SKU, found 1 remaining, seemingly regular ass couch priced at 15 grand, and when you purchase the cabinet, it autofills the name of the child you're allegedly buying:

Naturally, Wayfair is denying everything. They have addressed the heart of the issue - the...price? Wayfair told Newsweek:

"There is, of course, no truth to these claims. The products in question are industrial grade cabinets that are accurately priced. Recognizing that the photos and descriptions provided by the supplier did not adequately explain the high price point, we have temporarily removed the products from site to rename them and to provide a more in-depth description and photos that accurately depict the product to clarify the price point."

So Wayfair's response to the whole thing was "Nah, man. Those really are some expensive ass cabinets." No mention of anything regarding the naming of the products, or the shady results that goes on when you plug the product SKU's into a search engine (apparently if you search the SKU's on a Russian search engine, the results are all pictures of little children in bathing suits.) Also, other products that were priced way too high appear to have been changed:

Normal old pillow originally $10,000, now a more reasonable 99 bucks. Also note the name in that listing…Ellen The Generous! Everyone knows shes the Devil Incarnate, so that means…I dunno what that means. I just know Ellen sucks and she's the most toxic, incriminating person you can be connec…WAIT, WHATS THAT?? THATS GHISLAINE MAXWELL'S MUSIC!!!

Anywhere theres missing kids, there's Ghislaine Maxwell. Not a great look, Wayfair! Not a great look at all!

More weird pillow stuff - this one listed with a name of another missing child:

Which, now, if you search for Dziedzic pillows on Wayfair, its 32 bucks:

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All of this shit seems, at the very least, super fucking weird. And at the very worst, if you've got your tinfoil hat on, it feels like something only Bryan Mills can solve with a particular set of skills.

Now, just a few problems with this conspiracy theory:

A) one of the girls being highlighted in the Wayfair conspiracy isnt actually missing:

"Why am I mad? BECAUSE I"M NOT MISSING. Let me go get a picture of you, bitch, and say you missing with and put a little motherfuckin cabinet next to it and see how you feel!"

2) Snopes has ruled this as a false rumor/hoax. Pointing to a couple pieces of evidence - 1) Industrial grade cabinets can apparently be that expensive. and 2) Saying there are over 800,000 missing children so the probability of using names as descriptors that match up to a missing persons case is actually extremely high. Now, I gotta be honest, usually when Snopes drops the gavel and rules something a hoax, they are a lot more convincing than that. Like, sure cabinets and furniture can be expensive, but not plain ass white cabinets from Wayfair. And yea, I guess it can be coincidence that there are a TON of names of missing kids to match, but why would Wayfair use names to describe their products in the first place? I feel like Snopes should have left this as something more along the lines of "Unlikely" but I dont really think they had the smoking gun to disprove this conspiracy. But I think I do have that evidence…

D) As I said earlier…pedophile rings DO NOT UTILIZE WILDLY POPULAR WEBSITES WHERE YOU MIGHT JUST STUMBLE UPON THEIR HUMAN TRAFFICKING PLOT. I dont know how you explain all the weird shit going on, but I think I can confidently say you'd have to be the worst sex slave operation in human history to use a regular old website like Wayfair. This is dark web activity. This is the type of crime where you dont leave any paper trail. This is the kind of shit that is kept offline. The people involved in this kinda shit are probably all vetted. There's never gonna be a situation where someone could ACCIDENTALLY buy a human simply because they liked something off of Wayfair. I mean cmon folks, lets use our heads here. There's hiding in plain sight and then theres just simply being moronic. No human trafficker worth their weight is using the most popular furniture site in the game for this type of crime

So, no I dont believe this conspiracy. To be honest, the only thing I saw regarding this was screenshots and screen recordings, I never saw any of this stuff on the Wayfair site myself. The names do appear on the site, so thats weird. The prices have either been adjusted or the items have been removed, so there was some action taken, and thats also weird. But the vast majority of people talking about this are simply going by tweets with pictures attached, and who knows what the fuck to believe on social media.

But what I will get behind is some sort of conspiracy to stir the pot. Maybe this is an elaborate hoax to drum up awareness? Maybe its not exactly that Wayfair is selling kids in cabinets, but maybe this is getting people to take note and talk and discuss and maybe this points elsewhere? Maybe there's SOME truth to it, not all? Or maybe this is a distraction? The real pedophilia is going on elsewhere but they are gonna distract you with a wild Wayfair tall tale. Sorta like Mark McGwire leaving Andro in his locker in plain sight so that reporters would talk about that, and not his anabolic steroid use. Maybe this is an elaborate smear campaign from Overstock or Amazon or something? 

Maybe…JUST MAYBE…this is all a scheme planned by Bob. Bob Kaufman, from Bob's Discount Furniture Store:


Finally fed up with Wayfair stealing that marketshare, he took matters into his own hands. Its 2020. Anything is possible.

So my final answer is - no, Wayfair is not selling kids in cabinets. But yes, something is afoot with Wayfair and their listings. Keep your head on a swivel and remember, real eyes realize real lies.