Seagulls Continue To Be The Biggest Pieces Of Shit On The Planet

I've been at war with seagulls for quite some time now, and I've made my opinion on those winged rats very clear in the past. 


And I've also made it very clear that the only thing worse than seagulls are the morons in the world who think its cute to feed the seagulls. The type of person who takes a trip to the beach for the day and decides it would be hilarious to start throwing french fries in the air to cause a seagull fight over them. Then they pack up and leave for the day but guess what? Those seagulls are still there tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. And after years and years of fucking idiots feeding the seagulls, these pieces of shit see humans for one thing and one thing only--their next meal. 

The seagulls don't even wait for your dumbass to throw the french fries in the air anymore. They just rip them straight from your fingers. And now they're going after whole ass slices of pizza. They're greedy little bastards and they're embarrassing us. Seagulls don't even see us as a rival right now. They've been winning this battle for so long that they've even started to schedule humans for their homecoming game. As soon as they see humans on the schedule, they put it down for an automatic win. And I'm sick of it. 

The most important thing we need to do to start winning this fight is to relentlessly shame anybody who is still feeding seagulls. We need to cut that shit out right away. And after that? I don't know. Maybe we just need to spend a few years eating strictly spicy food so that the seagulls get tired of having to shit their brains out every time they take food from humans. Throw some hot sauce on that slice of pizza. Maybe start carrying around some jalapenos as decoys. No matter what, we just have to do something. Consider this your Herb Brooks speech. This is your time. Now go out there and take it.