Usain Bolt Gave His Daughter The Greatest Name In The History Of The Human Language

Usain Bolt was always destined for greatness when his parents bestowed an incredible name to him on his birth. That's how this works. You designate your entire child's future the second you name them. If you think otherwise, congratulations you're an idiot. That's the exact same pitch I gave Chaim Bloom when I convinced him to draft Blaze Jordan, future MLB superstar. Well Blaze Jordan had the best name on the planet for about 17 seconds. A helluva run, no question, but Usain Bolt just came and yanked that title from his mantle. OLYMPIA LIGHTNING BOLT??? Are you kidding me? I thought sprinting would be the thing we all remembered about Usain Bolt. That he'd always be associated with running fast and laughing in slow peoples' faces. Now I think he might have just stolen Dr. Seuss' title as the best there ever was with words. Olympia Lightning Bolt is destined for greatness beyond our realm of comprehension. I'm talking about like Zeus-level accomplishments. Nothing our idiot human minds can fathom without high level hallucinogenics helping guide us. All hail the benevolent Olympia Lightning Bolt, may her rule last until our final days.