A Kansas City Liquor Store Employee Scooped The Living Shit Out Of Adam Schefter Over Patrick Mahomes' Contract Extension

vs. 

Summing up that scoopage in one word: Assault.

Summing up that scoopage in one gif:

I don't know how much ESPN pays Adam Schefter to be an NFL Insider. But these two things are most certainly true:

1. Schefter now makes less in a year to break news than Patrick Mahomes makes every time he blinks.

2. Schefter's next contract will be for much less than his current contract since liquor store cashiers have replaced reporters checking their phone and people spotting athletes at airports as the new #sources for breaking news, which in turn means liquor store cashiers now have wayyyyy too much power now that they hold your sports happiness in their hands along with your drunken happiness.

May God help us all.