This tweet is making the rounds about how girls are most attracted to talented guys. Forget toned bods. Forget money. Forget humor. It's just pure talent that really drives women crazy.
As a man of many talents, that's great news for me. I've decided to put together a list of some of my best talents, as a resume of sorts. Here is a full comprehensive list.
Applying syrup to pancakes
I apply the perfect amount to start. Enough for good taste, but not too much to make them soggy. I then reapply the syrup throughout the meal to get a consistent sweet taste while not letting them get dry. Always sweet. Never soggy.
Knowing when to say "stop" when the waiter is putting grated cheese on my pasta
Always just the right amount. And I factor in the extra second of cheese that will fall before the waiter can react to my "stop."
Predicting what foot will end up on top when climbing stairs
Whenever I'm climbing up a flight of stairs, I have an uncanny ability to know what foot is going to end up being on the last step. Maybe I'll only be like 40% of the way up and think to myself "Oh this sucker is a left-footer." Astounding to witness live.
Reading phone numbers aloud at a perfect pace
Pause at all the right times. Area code. Pause. First three. Pause. Two more digits. Pause. Last two digits. Nobody has ever said, "Can you please repeat that?"
Doing a toast and saying “To a night we’ll never forget ……. Or remember!” before an epic night out with the boys
This might be less of a "talent" or more of just a "thing that I always do."
Identifying rain from inside
Some people have a hard time telling if it's raining through a window. Not me.
I'm impervious to needles
Now when I say “impervious”, I should clarify. I just mean that when I got shots, I handle them surprisingly well. Maybe a slight wince, but sometimes not even that. So by impervious, I basically just mean that I am probably in the top ~10% of needle tolerance.
Being the navigator when someone else is driving
I'm not overbearing, but I also give enough notice so you'll never miss a turn. You won't hear me saying, "Make a left in 20 feet." I will have warned you about that left 1-2 times already.
My street crossing is akin to LeBron's court vision. I see things way ahead of everyone else. You'll never catch me waiting at a red hand sign. I zig and zag so that I'm constantly moving. (This will age extremely poorly if I ever get hit by a car).
I don't think I could get hypnotized
Really nothing to back this one up. Just a gut feeling.
Being the appetizer guy
Every group needs an appetizer guy. As soon as we sit down, I'll say something along the lines of, "So are we doing appies?" Need someone to stay on top of that before it's too late.
Winning Survivor games that I make up in my head
I just won Season 43 "Survivor: Coast to Coast." I played a really good game. I beat Kelsey and Lena at the final 3. I got 7 of the 9 possible votes. Will definitely be invited back for another season.
Knowing how people should sit at a restaurant/game/etc.
I always know the perfect order in which people should sit. Not everyone knows each other equally, and there’s always an arrangement that would produce maximum enjoyment for all. Unfortunately, it’s not socially acceptable to act on it and tell people where to sit. Sometimes I do it anyway though.
Doing two digit multiplication in my head kinda fast
Can't like beat a calculator but I'll get it done fast enough to impress
Hostage negotiation (probably)
In the unlikely scenario where I ever find myself taking a room full of hostages, I think I'd be real good with the hostage negotiator. Don't think I'd let him/her get in my head.
Letting waiters know who got what when they bring the food to the table
When I’m at a restaurant and the server comes with our entrees but doesn’t know who got what (either can’t remember or it’s not who took the order), I like to point out who’s it is.
Waiter: “Alright who got the chicken cacciatore?”
Me (pointing to friend): “Oh that’s him.”
It’s helpful, shows I’m observant, and kind of feels like a power move.
Asking someone for gum
I say "Hey, let me get a slice of that." It's really cool, and they can't say no to that.
Remembering dates of obscure events in my life
Friday June 29th, 2012 - Went to the Subaru dealership with my mom, cousin, and friend. Then saw Ted in the afternoon. Back to the Subaru dealership. Watched the Yankees play the White Sox that night. Pretty sure me and my dad got Subway sandwiches for dinner. Went to Yankee game next day. Hiroki Kuroda pitched a gem. Feel like we stopped at Stop & Shop on the way home, but I can't remember why.
And there you have it. A pretty incredible list of talents that I'd put up there against anyone else.