Today we drafted appetizers on The Dog Walk and I want to get ahead of this now: I drafted a charcuterie board. Do I love a good charcuterie board? Of course. It's a bunch of salted meats and cheeses, right up a fat's alley and I, unfortunately, am a fat again. Don't talk shit though. Just wait until my boxing gym opens again you cock suckers.
I won the draft running away, and that will be proven when the poll results are available to the public in a day or two. That doesn't mean I don't want to run up the score though and I'm not going to do Eddie dirty and give away too many results, but I will say this: I completely and totally fucked up because I drafted a charcuterie board when jalapeño poppers was still on the board. Absolutely inexcusable move as the best GM at the Barstool Chicago office.
I mean how in the FUCK could I let this happen? Jalapeño poppers are one of my go-to orders at a restaurant. I got them not once, but twice on Saturday/going into Sunday. Once at a bar, then again when I ordered Sarpino's late night.
But *poof* in the choke job of the century, I passed on them and took fucking charcuterie instead. I haven't been this embarrassed with myself since I had a piece of orbit gum in my mouth during a local TV interview about the White Sox 5 or so years ago. It's a worse fuck up than Chief drafting burrata salad or Sterk trying to draft the Beastie Boys as a "boy band". This was just negligence and for that, I apologize. Before we know it, charcuterie boards will be a journeyman backup QB and jalapeño poppers will be signing a 10 year deal. Just disgusting.
Oh but Chief drafted hummus and Marty Mush drafted a "rice ball" (?)
So I want to say that while I fucked up, I am completely exonerated for my abhorrent transgressions at the same time. The show was contentious, there were low blows thrown, and it is MUST LISTEN