As you read this blog I’m currently snake drafting appetizers with the rest of Barstool Chicago and Marty Mush. Assuming there’s not major technological failures, the podcast should be up in about 2 hours. But as it stands I’m in the middle of the draft, so I went back in time to write this blog to ask you guys to solve an argument I have uncertainly forced upon the room. And that is whether or not a sampler platter is recognized as it’s own appetizer. Coming up with 25 appetizers is probably hard enough. But if you want to win this draft you have to be strong rounds 1-2. I know someone took Buffalo Wings #1 or 2. I know someone is going to take Spinach Artichoke dip on name way too early. Wouldn’t be surprised to see a Burrata pop up early either at this point.
But to me the #1 is the sampler platter. That’s why they list it last and charge double. Especially if you can get flexibility and swap out jalapeño poppers with mac & cheese bites or the like. Nothing worse than when the sampler platter description says NO SUBSTITUTES at the end and your girl is out on potato skins so you have to pivot.
Naturally though, I am well aware people are going to tell me to kick rocks when I try to take sampler platter in the 1st round. I can feel the protests now that it’s a conglomerate appetizer and doesn’t count because it’s just a bunch of apps on one plate. But then you’d be forgetting the fact they limit the portions and that it truly is a sampler in all material respects. 3 mozz sticks doesn’t prevent someone else from drafting mozz sticks. Nor am I infringing on the onion ring crowd so lighten up.
Speaking of onion rings - whoever gets the Bloomin’ Onion in the 2nd round is going home champion. You’re hearing it hear first but I digress.
Point is I’m posting this blog to get in front of the criticism early. This is proactive snake draft controversy management and I feel it only necessary coming out of the July 4th break and adding Marty Mush to the Monday morning mix. Tell me this doesn’t have chaos written all over it and I’ll go back and delete this blog right now but no I won’t because that would impact my numbers.
What’s important is that I present logic and reasoning with my selection and that reads as such: if you list it consistently in the appetizer section, it’s a goddamn appetizer. Don’t give me a reach around on the sampler platter then come back and let Chief draft a margherita pizza or WSD a caesar salad. I’m a textualist by nature and this one tells me we’re playing it by the book. Ipso facto, I don’t even think this is a debate.
Unless of course you guys tell me otherwise in resounding fashion. Then maybe I’ll consider the alternative.