Entertainment Weekly - Vanilla Ice is throwing a Fourth of July weekend concert deep in the heart of pandemic hotspot Texas. The Iceman will cometh this Friday at a concert venue in Austin, where all the bars are otherwise closed due to COVID-19.
The concert is titled the Independence Day Throwback Beach Party and it's happening due to a legal loophole, the Austin Chronicle pointed out. The venue — Emerald Point Bar & Grill, located on the shores of Lake Travis — is technically a restaurant, even though it also has a large capacity outdoor general admission concert space. So fans don't have to collaborate with or listen to current recommended coronavirus guidelines that seek to eliminate large crowds.
“I can’t wait to get back to this," the "Ice Ice Baby" singer posted on Instagram along with some of his previous packed concert footage. "The 90s were the best. We didn’t have coronavirus, or cell phones, or computers. We had 5.0's, blockbuster, Beavis and Butthead, Wayne's World, Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan ... Mortal Kombat is still better than Fortnight ... the last of the great decades.”
Okay so hear me out real quick, and you have to promise me you're going to give me a chance to make my point.
What if...what if Vanilla Ice is actually the key to solving all of this? What if Vanilla Ice is the savior that we all so desperately need right now? Because from what it sounds like Rob Van Winkle is saying, it seems like he's attempting to create a time machine with this concert and send everybody back to the 90s. So if he can create a time machine to go back to the 90s and relive those glory days of Blockbuster, Wayne's World and Mortal Kombat--well then maybe there's a chance he'd also be able to warn the world that the virus is coming before it actually happened.
Maybe this time machine back to the 90s isn't just some self-serving promotion for a washed up performer who nobody has even remembered in the past 10 years and is clearly in need of some money so he's forced to now perform for 2500 people at a bar restaurant in Austin. But maybe this time machine back to the 90s is actually to save the world from COVID-19 ever making it out of that market in the first place. We've all seen how time machine movies work. It's a dangerous game but just the smallest act can create some major changes. And if anybody can do it, well why not Vanilla Ice?
By the way, there are $300 VIP tickets for the show that are supposedly already sold out. Imagine living in a world where you'd spend $300 to watch Vanilla Ice perform at a restaurant in the year 2020. That's more terrifying than the pandemic.