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Horniest Man Alive Logs On To Twitter And Ranks The Top 370 Pornstars Of All Time

I get a lot of tweets sent to me. Either as something to blog, a picture of a rare bird, or some major sports news that is several hours old. It's appreciated, often duplicated, but appreciated nevertheless to know that I've made some sort of impact on someone else's life that they see something on the vast plains of the world wide web and it makes them think of me. I don't know what it says about the reputation I've built that THIS TWEET was sent to me in record numbers. Again, I appreciate it, but also what the hell man??? Granted, most of the people who sent me the above tweet wanted me to tier THREE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY pornstars. Which maybe one day after I'm released from rehab I'll get around to doing. That day is not today, as I haven't even become addicted to any substances worthy of rehabilitation yet. Not to mention the fact that people become furious with me about how I rank the letter "J" I cannot imagine the level of backlash I'd get for besmirching someone's favorite adult film star. 

So sadly I'm not here to tier. I'm here to defend this man. It's clearly a man, I wont hear otherwise to that fact. Only a man could be covered in such filth while still thinking they were clean. But the reason I am choosing to defend this miscreant is because people are acting all high and fucking mighty about the number 370. As if that's some unattainable number for a human being to reach in their lifetime. Did I know all 370 on this list? No, no I did not. Did I know 200? Without question. Could I muster up another 100 after 15 minutes of scrolling on Pornhub, identifying women I recognized but couldn't readily pull their names? Undoubtedly. I'm 30 years old. I've had access to the internet for 20 years. I have no idea what math equation I need to figure out the actual number of times I've waxed the ol' carrot, nor do I want to know. But it's most certainly not a low number. And neither is yours. So to act like this man is alone on an island is something I will not stand for. I feel like Ben Wyatt standing on the table claiming to be friends with Jerry, but in my heart of hearts I know it's the right thing to do. 

Where I wont stand with this man is his terrible list. P U. What the hell are you talking about with some of these rankings? Kelsi Monroe didn't crack the top 370??? Lisa Ann in the 90s??? What was this criteria? Was it peak years vs. longevity? All natural vs. steroid era? No links to back up these rankings? Ava Devine's asshole didn't fall out in the middle of the scene just for her to play through it like Logan Mankins playing in the Super Bowl on two torn ACLs for you to rank her hundreds of spots lower than Sara Jay. You can't just come waltzing into Twitter, slam your list down, announce there will be no debates, and then leave never to be heard from again. That's not how this goes. Back up your argument with the stats or get the hell out of my face with this fraudulent ass list.