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I Regret To Inform You That Chuck E. Cheese Has Filed For Bankruptcy

Excited Birthday GIF by Chuck E. Cheese Giphy Images.

If there is one thing we have learned the last few months, it's that the coronavirus comes for everyone. You can be a boomer, a Spring Breaker, an NFL superstar, a small business, a big business, or a pizza slinging rodent named Charles Entertainment Cheese.

CNN- Chuck E. Cheese's parent company, CEC Entertainment, filed for bankruptcy Thursday, blaming the financial strain caused by Covid-19 and the prolonged closures of its entertainment centers from stay-at-home orders issued across the United States. CEC, which also owns Peter Piper Pizza, said it will use Chapter 11 protection to "achieve a comprehensive balance sheet restructuring that supports its re-opening and longer-term strategic plans."

Now this seems to be one of those bankruptcies that is just a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo designed to help a company protect itself during hard times instead of there being $0 left in the bank account like an episode of Wheel Of Fortune or that Monopoly dude being assed out with his pockets out.

Which is a good thing. Not because I take my kids to Chuck E. Cheese. Heavens no. Anytime I even mention ordering Dominos for some delicious cheesy bread, I am sneered at by every Italian New Yorker in a 50 mile radius. I am happy because Chuck E. Cheese running out of cheddar would have been yet another loss for America during what has felt like a nonstop losing streak. Name another place in the country that functions as a premiere birthday party destination for kids and a Fight Club for adults.

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You can't.

Chuck E. Cheese's band has also had drama just like every single one of your favorite American bands.

Not to mention this rat fuck has also allegedly been the home to good old fashioned American ingenuity for years with their recycled slices

And if all that wasn't enough to make you feel bad for a fictional mouse, think about all the kids that have been stacking tickets for their entire childhood just to get some shitty stuffed animals from the top shelf of the prize booth only to have a pandemic pull the rug out from underneath them. I personally like to keep my kids as sheltered from the coronavirus nonsense as much as possible and telling them they spent countless dollars/hours for no reason may be crush them after three full months of realizing how stupid their parents are during home schooling. 

So best of luck in court or the bank or whatever the next step of bankruptcy is, Chuck. Millions of families across this great country of ours are pulling for ya. But fuck that fraud bitch Pasquale that sits on his throne of edible lies.