The Good News Is That It Looks Like We Don't Need To Worry About Scooter Riders Reproducing Anymore

Here's the thing--I've been campaigning for rollerblading to be making its long awaited comeback for years now. Back in April, I called for more Rollerblade Gangs to retake the streets of America. 

But if rollerblading is ever going to truly takeover the globe again one day, the biggest obstacle in our way is getting rid of all these dweebs on their scooters. No offense or anything but scoot life is just for squids. The only reason why scooters exist in the first place is just for the friends in the group who could never get good enough at skateboarding to still be able to "fit in". At best you're catching a scooter to the shin every other 30 minutes, and at worst you're performing an impromptu vasectomy on yourself. Seems like a lose-lose to me. 

For the rest of the world, however? Well we're making out pretty sweet in this deal. The Scoot Squad will just all take themselves out of the reproduction pool by exploding their nuts on their handlebars, and then the next generation will realize how much doper it is to just buzz around on rollerblades. Life always finds a way. Water always finds its level. Scooter handlebars always find a way to rupture your balls.