Monkey 'Gangs' Have Taken Over Streets Of Thai City, Bully People Into Giving Them Food

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Residents in Lopburi, Thailand, are hiding behind barricaded indoors as rival monkey gang fights create no-go zones for humans. 

First of all, what a simply horrifying sentence to read aloud. Gangs of monkeys? Fighting? In the streets?! Thanks but no thanks. I'd take the advice and just stay the fuck inside. Corona has already forced everyone inside for months, what's a couple more? It's either that or go outside and risk getting run-up on by a gaggle of hungry monkeys. Staying inside is - without a sliver of doubt - the right move. Imagine getting caught out in the streets with wild monkeys duking it out. 

The ancient Thai city has been overrun by a growing population of monkeys super-charged on junk food – as locals try to placate the macaques with snacks. The monkeys usually enjoy a steady supply of bananas from tourists, who have dwindled amid the coronavirus pandemic.

Ah. I see. So since the tourists aren't pumping these bastards full of bananas, the locals are trying to diffuse it with food of their own. Now I don't know about you guys but this just sounds like some vintage schoolyard bullying. Bananas? Phooey. These monkeys are tired of their boring-ass lunch snacks, they want the Doritos that the chubby kid is hoarding.  

NOT speaking from experience - I repeat - NOT speaking from experience

This is the problem with letting tourists do whatever the fuck they want. They show up for a couple of days, feed monkeys bananas because it's supposed to be fun and cute. Then they just dip on out of there. Most people are probably only doing it to snap a couple of pics for the gram and get some clout. I can only imagine that feeding a monkey a banana kills on Instagram. Now of course, these poor citizens have to deal with the ramifications. 

Sad Empire Strikes Back GIF by Star Wars Giphy Images.

Isn't it kind of standard procedure is to not feed wild animals? For this exact reason? It would be like if I started leaving food outside for deer in my backyard to come and eat. They'd start coming there every day because they know they can rely on that place to get a quick bite. 

The difference is that a deer won't rip me limb from limb if I don't feed it. Monkeys most certainly will. Hence why there are monkey gang wars breaking out in this Thai city. You'd never see this type of shit from a deer which is why I'm thankful I don't live in an area where monkeys are readily available. They'd most definitely bully my skinny ass into feeding them anything and everything. I'd be out cooking full course fillet meals just so I don't get my ass beat.

Pointing to the overhead netting covering her terrace, Kuljira Taechawattanawanna said: “We live in a cage but the monkeys live outside.”

“Their excrement is everywhere, the smell is unbearable especially when it rains,” she says from her home in the 13th-century city.

The fearless primates’ antics were largely tolerated as a major lure for the tourist hordes who descended on the city before the coronavirus outbreak to feed and snap selfies with the plucky animals.

Realistically, what are these citizens supposed to do? These monkeys are fucking dominating this city. Monkey shit, as far as the eye can see, covering every corner. They've literally marked their territory. Are these people supposed to just wait inside until the monkeys starve and die? Start a war with the monkeys? While I'm all for having full-on warfare against a group of animals, this feels like something that the citizens can do nothing about. They're literally trapped and I doubt anyone in that city is gonna volunteer to get their ass kicked by a group of monkeys. 

I mean, maybe if tourism opens back up it'll be better but that won't be anytime soon. Even then, I'm not sure you want a bunch of tourists coming to feed the animals after learning what happens when they aren't fed. It's pandemonium. 

But a government sterilisation campaign is now being waged against the creatures after the epidemic provoked an unexpected change in their behaviour.

Oh. Ok. I guess that works too. Can't exactly have a monkey problem if you just get rid of the monkeys, I suppose. With such a drastic change in behavior, there isn't much choice. Especially if it's gotten to the point where there is monkey gang violence breaking out in the streets. You have to protect the people at the end of the day. We'll just learn to not get the monkeys accustomed to being handed food and we can avoid this situation in the future.