Does This Look Like The Face Of A Guy Found Passed Out At A Stoplight In Iowa City With A Beer Between His Legs Who Said He Was Driving To Louisiana?

Press-Citizen- A Louisiana man has been charged with drunken driving after police found him passed out behind the wheel in Iowa City. According to an Iowa City police complaint, officers found a white Lincoln sitting in the eastbound turning lane of N. Dubuque Street where the street intersects with Bjaysville Lane and Foster Road at roughly 10 p.m. Wednesday. Behind the wheel was 68-year-old Amon O. Gullens, of Shreveport, La., who was passed out with an open can of beer sitting between his legs, according to police. When he awoke, Gullens told police he was driving from Davenport to Des Moines and then to Louisiana and he had been drinking alcohol since he left Davenport, according to police.

Almost made it.  Ya know, give or take 900 miles.  The only explanation for this story is there was a booty call waiting for him down in Louisiana.  Nobody hops in their car in the middle of night who’s already shit drunk and decides to drive over 900 miles if there isn’t a piece of ass waiting for them at the end of it.  I’m not saying I know from experience (well maybe not 900 miles) but I know from experience.  If you’re as awkward looking as I am you go where the willing women are.  No questions asked.  And the face in that mug shot isn’t exactly winning any beauty pageants either.  The decision this guy made is a decision that’s solely based on getting pussy and getting pussy alone.  Nothing else is important enough to hop behind the wheel and risk getting a DUI for.  It’s the sad truth.  And here’s the thing, at the time I’m sure it sounded like a great idea.  No, not just a great idea, the best idea he’s ever thought of.  Think about it.  The article says the guy is originally from Louisiana.  So in his mind, if he makes the drive he’ll get laid and he’ll get to sleep in his own bed.  Win-win.  Name something better than waking up in your own bed after raging and getting black out drunk, you can’t.  And as far as the open beer between his leg goes, it’s called fuel. Gotta keep that buzz up.  Again, he almost made it.  It sucks now because instead of waking up in his own bed next to a naked woman he instead woke up in jail.  But he can sleep peacefully knowing he made the right call in the moment.

PS- Don’t drink and drive, kids.