How Many Clap Bombs Do You Think Gary Bettman Has Been Ripping In His Driveway?
ESPN had the 4 commissioners of the major sports leagues on last night to talk about the return to playing. Everybody knows Roger Goodell because the NFL is king. Everybody knows Adam Silver because he looks like the bad guy from Willy Wonka. Nobody wants to know Rob Manfred right now and the MLB would be so much better off just using a hologram of Bud Selig as their commissioner right now. I know Bud Selig is still alive but a hologram would be way more bad ass.
Either way, the point I'm trying to make here is that Gary Bettman had to do a little something extra to make sure that all the viewers at home knew he was the commissioner of the NHL considering hockey is still the least popular of the 4 major sports in the States. So he went out to the driveway and set up his studio right in front of the net. That way when people see the hockey net, they know he's the hockey guy.
Advertisement
But I can guarantee you that this isn't just some stage prop. I can guarantee you that Gary Bettman didn't have some ESPN producer run out to his local sporting goods store and order some cheap piece of shit net just for this segment. Not a chance. That net has been glued in Gary's driveway from the moment the league pressed the pause button on the season. And over the course of this quarantine, Gary Bettman has probably been out in the driveway just unloading clap bombs and snapping off some wristies until the cows come home. Top bunk only.
Sidney Crosby had the family dryer.
Connor McDavid has his little setup in the garage going during this quarantine.
And now Gary Gretzky is just teeing off in his driveway waiting for the season to resume. Only thing that has me a little worried is that net still seems pretty tight. For an absolute weapon like Gary, I'd imagine the corners would be ripped out by now. But maybe he's strictly a top left guy and you just can't see all the damage because it's out of frame. Either way, my man has been on a non-stop snipe binge for the past few months and there's no going back now. Dude's addicted to the ping.
Wonder if he'd be interested in tossing a little sauce around the cottage this summer. Gary's a sauce lord.