One Mid-afternoon #Pickem A Day Keeps the Doctor Away
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Is this what you wanted, Twitter user @iamboyleg? HUH?! Here I was enjoying a fine Thursday afternoon and I have to deal with this BULLCRAP in my mentions. Look, I'll dip then pen because I am taking this personally. NOT because I have a #pickem problem. I want that on the record.
Build your Mickstape Host ($15)
Favorite Cereal- Oreo Minis $4 (Remaining: $11)
This was a fairly easy choice as it is the only cereal that I have invented. Keep Thin Mints and All-Bran away from my family. Fruity Pebs (Pebbles) and Honey Nut Cheerios are fine but Oreo Minis for anything under $14 is a bargain.
Favorite Rapper- Future $5 (Remaining: $6)
I don't want to tell you how long it took me to realize who those white ladies were in the $2 picture. I also don't want to tell you that I thought they were the Olsen Twins at first glance. But I definitely know who they are now and it did not take me upwards of 10 minutes to figure it out.
Close Personal Friend- High School Fuckface Feitelberg $1 (Remaining: $5)
Now this one is unfair! I had to immediately disqualify our newest CPF Sada as he is now a co-host. I'd love to pick CPF Nancy Lieberman but I know even her name being involved here could put a damper on her Presidential campaign in a few months. I wanted to pick CPF Scott Rochelle too! For $3?? How could I not? But with the NBA coming back, Scott doesn't need any more bad news on his plate. I won't do that to him.
Respectfully, Mush and Dana could have been free and I would not have selected them. Not a chance. Not even if as a condition of selecting them, I got another hypothetical $15 to spend here. It's just not worth it.
This left me with High School Feitelberg, who is a close personal friend of no one. I'm only selecting him here so I have a legal right to punch him in the face. I'd gladly pay ten dimes to grab him by that stupid shark tooth necklace and run his face through stained glass at a speed that usually means Stone Cold Steve Austin is about to come out.
Favorite Finesse- Man invoices Google and Facebook for $122 million $4 (Remaining: $1)
Another easy choice here. The Silna Brothers having the NBA in the Steiner Recliner for several decades is the best finesse of all time. But favorite? You have to love a man getting tens of millions out of startup Mom-and-Pop companies like GOOGLE and FACEBOOK. What's even better is that he "only" got five years' time for it. For three years, he ran up nine figures off of fraudulent invoices and he only got five years? You know he was living like a king during those three years and there's not a chance he serves all five of those years. Easy decision for him, easy decision for me.
Go to Trope- There are a lot of good players $1 (Remaining: $0)
Like taking that son-of-a-bitch HS Feitelberg for $1 to rid the Earth from this plague, I'm doing the same with my last buck here. I want any rumors that "there are a lot of good players" to die right here. There are no good players. In any sports. In any walk of life. There never has been and never will be "a lot of good players". Find a different slant.