I am generally team bird. Flying is badass and they generally stay out of my way. Aside from the contingency of pigeons that won't get out of my way when I am attempting to walk to the CVS in my neighborhood and a seagull that pooped on my face when I was at the beach last summer, we're generally cool. That list added another today.
I mean come on. What the hell is this even? At first glance, I thought this was either a Charles Cheese animatronic situation or a Sesame Street puppet, but no, it is real, and the further I dove the more horrified I became.
This thing is called a Shoebill. They live in Africa. What do they eat, you ask? Fucking BABY CROCODILES, which it does by clamping down its bill and decapitating it. Had enough? Too bad! This thing also makes MACHINE GUN sounds sometimes.
Oh, they also stay cool in the African heat by just shitting all over their own legs. That's their evolutionary method. Just caking themselves in dump. Now that has to be all, right? Wrong! This bird usually hatches two eggs. As they grow, the stronger sibling becomes clear and tortures it's sibling to death. Awesome!
I do not understand how any of this is real. It feels like a fever dream that just won't end.