We're All Screwed When The Beer League Hockey Goalies Come Back Out Of Quarantine
I know everybody can't wait to get back on the ice and sauce around with the boys at their local beer league. It's been months since rinks have been open and all you can dream about is cracking that first cold one in the locker room after kicking the shit out of a bunch of pigeons in the B league. They just hit different when you're already up 5-1 after the 1st period and can just cruise around the rest of the night.
But I'm starting to get a little worried here. I'm starting to think that perhaps this pandemic has changed beer league hockey forever. I'm starting to think that scoring is going to go down drastically when all of these goalies start showing back up to the rink after spending the past 3 months doing nothing but crushing beers and eating banana bread on the couch. Just think about how much of the net these fat fucks are going to be taking up. Your shot accuracy is already shaky at best to begin with, and now that you'll have even less of the net to shoot at? I'm worried that 9-8 final scores are going to be a thing of the past.
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And what is terrifying about that is this could possibly be the beginning of something even bigger. Just think about your team right now. Chances are there's already a few guys who are on the fence about showing up each week. They've got 3 kids at home who are running them ragged, work has been kicking their ass and they hardly get any sleep when they have to wake up at 5am after a 10:30pm puck drop the night before. Do you really think they'll all keep showing up if every game is a 2-1 nail biter and they go scoreless in 5 straight games? Maybe some, but for sure not all. So now all these unit tendies are going to set off a massive drop off of numbers in beer leagues all across North America. Your team will have gone from having 3 full lines to maybe 4 guys on the bench.
Maybe I'm just being an alarmist here but I'm worried. At the very least, we should have a plan in place for bigger nets. Beer leagues everywhere depend on them.