DUMMERSTON, Vt. —A Massachusetts woman faces charges in Vermont after she allegedly drove drunk and crashed her car while trying to write on a legal pad, according to authorities. Police said Linda MacDonald, 55, of Shelburne, Massachusetts, was driving south on Route 5 in Dummerston, Vermont on Monday around 10:30 p.m. when her car went off the road and crashed into a wooden fence. She told police she was lost and was trying to get directions over the phone, which she was writing down on a legal pad. Authorities said MacDonald failed a field sobriety test and was charged with driving under the influence.
I immediately move that all charges against Linda MacDonald are dropped. Why, you ask? Because Vermont. None of this is her fault at all. 100 percent of the blame falls on the Green Mountain State. Her first problem? Drinking and driving. Well that doesn’t exist in Vermont. That’s legal. You’re trying to tell me you don’t crack a beer as soon as you get off the main highway on a ski trip? Bullshit. Those back roads and one lane rural routes were made for having a beer in your cup holder. Not illegal. Her other problem? Writing directions down on a legal pad. Also Vermont’s fault. Vermont is the land that GPS forgot. Every time you go up to someone’s ski house you always have to get directions because it’s not on a map. The whole fucking state isn’t on a map. You’ve got to write it all down Take a left at the old church, then a right on Ski Mobile Road, about 1/8th of a mile later you’ll see a corner store, bear right there until you get to the big tree. That’s a quick left. Halfway up the mountain there’s an old dirt road. Follow that until you see the kid from Deliverance. Beat him in a banjo duel and he’ll give you the rest of the instructions. It’s insanity. With a GPS going there’s no way Linda crashes off the road. So if Vermont wants to be a part of this country, they need to make sure every house is on the GPS. Until that point, no more DUIs.
PS – Love the tongue out mugshot. It’s like a middle finger only more disrespectful.
