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Leading Contender For Ultimate Dad 2020 Turns His Lawn Mower Into A Fully Functional Tank

There are very few things that are more important to a dad than his lawn. More often than not, his own children don't even make that list. He'll gladly let somebody else watch his kids. But would he ever let another man touch his lawn? You gotta be fucking high if you think the answer to that question is anything other than a hell no. 

I think dads love their lawn so much because it's really the one area of life that they have full control over. At some point your kids are going to be shit heads and there's nothing you can do about it. At some point your wife is going to yell at you for forgetting something that she swears she told you 15 times about 4 months ago but you're almost positive she's never even brought it up once. At some point your boss is going to be a prick and your job is going to be miserable. You move over from the right lane to the left lane in traffic and all of a sudden the left lane comes to a standstill. Some fucking idiot at the gym puts the 35 lb dumbbells in the spot that is clearly designated for the 45's. All of this shit starts to drive you up a goddamn wall and you're about to go insane. But you have your lawn. The one domain in life that you have complete and total control over (unless you live in a climate that is prone to droughts, I suppose). You can tune out everything else in life, crack a beer and cut the grass. In many ways, cutting the grass is like going to war and you are battling for your own sanity. 

So a dad who takes that to the next level and actually turns his lawn mower into a military vehicle? Well that right there is the final boss character of dads everywhere. And with this bad boy coming fully equipped with a potato cannon? Good luck ever taking him down. 

I've never been more certain of anything than I am of this dude having a ranked list of neighbors he wants to drill with a potato. If that jackass Harry from down the block let's his dog shit in this man's backyard one more time without picking it up, he's taking a potato right to the jugular.