Masshole is Charged with Throwing a Pickle at a Highway Worker in Vermont

Source - A Massachusetts man is facing an assault charge after he allegedly threw a large pickle from a moving vehicle that hit a Vermont highway worker, police said.

The incident occurred just before 6 p.m. Monday on U.S. Route 7 in Pownal near the border crossing into Massachusetts.

A passenger in a southbound vehicle threw an object “later determined to be a large pickle” that hit the highway worker and “caused him pain,” police said.

Agency of Transportation officials provided a description of the vehicle to police, which led officers to the suspect with the help of the Williamstown, Massachusetts, police department.

Christoph Herrmannsdoerfer, 34, of Williamstown, was cited to appear in court in Bennington next month to answer to a charge of simple assault.

Christoph Herrmannsdoerfer, exporting Masshole culture to the world. 

I don't mean to let Herrmannsdoerfer off the hook by any means. Responsible garnish ownership is every citizen's primary responsibility. Throwing pickles is a serious offense. It's Assault and Battery with a Delicious Weapon. And inherently dangerous. I mean, what if that thing was speared, God forbid? It could've killed someone. Or what if it was in slices? I don't exactly know the physics, but I'd imagine those things flung from a car doing 65 mph would come at a highway worker like Ninja stars. So this is a serious situation. Too serious for tone deaf, inappropriate dad jokes like "this is a big dill" or "looks like Herrmannsdoerfer got himself in a pickle" or "this is Vlasic."

That said, part of this is the responsibility of our failed political leadership. Massachusetts is still very much in lockdown, while our neighboring states are open. So Massholes are doing a mass exodus to Rhode Island, New Hampshire and Vermont, just to get a small taste of what passes for a return to normalcy. And that means doing Masshole things. Christoph Hermannsdoerfer is simply throwing the side dishes we are no longer able to throw at each other. If the restaurants and bars were open, he could've flung his gherkin at a friend, a family member, or the guys in the next booth. Someone who would've understood that this is simply our way and handled the situation appropriately. Instead, it was some innocent, unsuspecting Vermont highway worker who didn't know what hit him and it caused him pain. 

Again, I'm glad Mr. Hermannsdoerfer is facing justice. But I plea with our leaders: Open up the state. Now. How many more Vermont highway workers have to be struck down in drive-by pickle attacks before something is done about it?