Soccer Star Peter Crouch Is Using Cardboard Cutouts Of Himself As House Security Because Apparently The Wet Bandits Are On The Prowl Again

[Source] - Peter, 39, took the 2D model from the set of his new BBC show, Save Our Summer, and placed it in the window to make it appear he was staring out across the garden

"And I walked down to the bottom of the garden, turned around and thought: ‘Who’s that in my bedroom? What’s going on here?’

“But now I’ve left it in there because security wise, if anyone comes in it is perfect.”

Holy shit, yes. I'm absolutely howling at this image. Peter Crouch, a former soccer star in England, is setting up security at his house using cardboard cutouts. Not just cardboard cutouts, but life-size version of himself. He's 6'7". That's a giant ass cutout. 

Don't get me wrong, I understand the sentiment here. He has it in the window looking out so it looks like someone is peering to the garden. I'm sure it makes sense, but who is falling for this? There are 2 people and 2 people only falling for this. 

What makes even more sense is Crouch's house has been broken into before ... and they stole Christmas gifts! 

Then in 2011, he and Abbey saw their current home in the sleepy Cheshire village, Mottram St Andrew, ransacked by burglars who stole their kids’ Christmas presents.

You're telling me that's not the Wet Bandits aka the Sticky Bandits? 

Honestly it's a big miss by Crouch though. He's a giant human being. He also had an all-time goal celebration by breaking out the robot. How do you not have the cardboard cutouts dancing like this ala Home Alone: 

All said, I'd rather see a cardboard cutout of his wife than a 6'7" cardboard cutout


PS: Still the greatest pickup line in movie history. Shout out Marv Merchants